Determination (Charisk) [OUTDATED]

72 - HEALING

A/N: No Snail fact this time, I'm saving the last of them for longer chapters.
TW - Discussion of traumatic events, past and present, also language.

(CHARA POV)[M]

     I don't want to. I don't. I threw the razor in my pocket into the Snowy wilderness. It's just a bad habit. That's all it is. It's just because of my fucking parents— I started to cry. I don't hate them, I don't. I felt myself slip. Slip deeper into dark, red, anger. I need to go back.

     Without bothering to wipe the tears from my eyes, I took a shortcut back to the hotel room, and quickly rummaged through our bag for my TRAIT stabilizers.

     "Chara, what's wrong?"

     "..." I couldn't even look at her. I shakily measured out specific ratios of the glowing, colorful liquids into a measuring flask and drank it. I started to barely calm down more after that. Barely. I felt Frisk put her hand on my shoulder, and flinched.

     "Chars, tell me what's wrong. I wanna help you." Without thinking, I turned around and snapped.

     (FRISK POV)

     He threw my hand off his shoulder and turned around.

     "I HATE YOU, OKAY?!" Tears ran down his face. "I don't want to. *sob* I don't, I don't, I don't." He obviously doesn't mean it, but just hearing him say that... It hurt. But he's having an emotional breakdown, and he needs to talk to someone who cares about him.

     "I... *sigh*... I don't know how to respond to that."

     "I... *sob* th-that came out wr-wrong." Chara sat down on the bed with me, and held my hands. He took a few deep breaths. "I still, even a-after all this time, I still hate humans. *sniff* Every time I look at you, or at me, or even just thinking about humans just fills me with so much anger and hatred. I don't want to... I love you, I just— I can't stand where we came from. Where I came from." He still wasn't looking at me.

     "Chara. It's okay."

     "Why are you so calm? I just said—"

     "It's because you're healing."

     "Wh-what?"

     "You had several traumatic experiences caused by humans. You were mistreated as a child by most of the Underground because you were a human. You blame yourself for your brother's death because it was caused by humans."

     "I-I... I don't understand." I rubbed his hands slowly.

     "The mind isn't built to understand what happens after death. It's supposed to be a cutoff point. You came back, and you don't know how to handle it."

     "But I was fine until now!" I put my hand on the side of his face.

     "Chara," I felt tears well up in my eyes. "You were destroyed. You were just— broken. You played it off with jokes, you convinced yourself you were okay, you were in denial. You were angry, sad, hurt, and confused underneath all that. The only times you expressed it was when your past was brought up."

     "No... I— That was different!... Right?"

     "You're finally acknowledging your hatred for the people who did this to you, and you're moving past it, you're moving on."

     "..."

     "You were in denial for such a long time, you were angry at your parents for how they treated you, and how you died, you asked Alphys to make you a new body so you could live again. You were upset because you blame yourself for your brother's death, but he didn't get the same chance you did, this? This right now, what you're feeling, this is a good thing, this is acceptance."
Chara pulled me into a tight embrace. And we cried.

     When mourning the death of yourself or others, one of the only things you can do to cope is cry.