Determination (Charisk) [OUTDATED]

9 - ATONE

A/N: this part deals with intense themes of abuse, genocide, and mental disorders. I do not condone or agree to some or any of the themes shown here and do not claim to. This part has a lot of plot but reader discretion is advised. This was a hard part to make, so I hope you enjoy.

(CHARA POV)

I was back in snowdin. In front of the inn. It took my senses a second to adjust to the sudden change. Frisk was standing there, crying silently.
"Frisk! Are you ok—" In her hand was the SAVE shard. It's edges cut deep into her hand, and her knuckles were white. She had LOADed.
"I... I killed them." Her face was pale and her stare was vacant.
"Wh-what?"
"They turned to dust." Her words and breathing were shallow and soft. Frisk looked down at her hands, blood flowing from her left. The SAVE shard fell to the ground. "I..." She started to hyperventilate. "I—*hff* You— *hff* They— *hff*" I went to put my hand on her shoulder, but she jerked away instantly. "DONT TOUCH ME" A mixture of Rage, Disgust, and Fear emanated from her. That look, her body language... it was the same way I reacted to people touching me after I fell. Did... Did she go through what I went through?

"Frisk, I—" She took two steps backward, then turned around and bolted back to town.

*Frisk ran away

I stood there in the cold. Alone. Sans walked over to me.
"what's up with her?" I could tell by the bitterness in his voice that he already knew.
     "How can you— oh. Right," I must have started crying because sans patted me on the back.  "What did she mean she—" I choked on my own words.
. . .

(FRISK POV)

     It's all my fault. I killed them. Innocent, not, it didn't matter. I killed them. It's my fault. It's my fault. They were taken by my blade. They're dead. I killed them. It's my fault. Oh god, I killed them. Its my fault. He won't forgive me. It's my fault. He kept going. They're all dead. I can feel myself breaking. It's my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault.
     I only hurt people. It's my fault. I killed them. The dust blew in the wind. Oh why did I kill them? It's my fault. He would blame me. I can't stop hurting people. She's gone because of me. It's my fault it's my fault it's my fault. I'm slipping away. I don't want to. Not again. I don't want to hurt people. Not anymore. That's all I can do. Hurt people. They all died in front of me. I was smiling. We were smiling. I remember the smell. The taste of their dust. The more I killed, the easier it was. It's my fault. He told me. It's my fault. I don't want to be a bad kid. I don't want to go to hell, its my fault. Have MERCY please... No. I didn't show MERCY. I don't deserve MERCY.
     There's a knock on the door. I probably flinched. I shouldn't have flinched. He'll know I'm scared.
     "GO AWAY!" Don't cry, can't cry. If I cry he'll hit me again. I don't want to cry. I don't want to hurt. He won't forgive me.
     "I— Okay, but you have to tell me when you are ready to talk." I heard him slump down by the door. My sobs are just quiet enough to hear him crying faintly. Did I do this to him? Of course I did. This is my fault. A tear hit the cuts on my hand and I made a sharp inhale. Chara opened the door. "Frisk? Are you okay?"
. . .

(CHARA POV)

I hear her sobs, then a sharp inhale. Like she had just gotten cut across the arm. I opened the door, despite her orders.
     "Frisk? Are you okay?" Her hand was bleeding and dripping blood from the cuts from the SAVE shard. She had stopped crying for a bit now but when she looked at me, her eyes welled up again and she started bawling. I went over to her, but every step I took, she recoiled back a bit. Bracing herself for a strike which would never happen. It broke my heart to see her like this.
     "Shhhhhh It's okay. I'm not going to hit you." She looked up to meet my eyes. I tried to convey as much trust and compassion as I could in that one look. Her sobs quieted down a bit. I closed the door and opened the blinds in the spare room sans an papyrus had. She doesn't have to sit in the darkness. After I bandaged her hand up, I kissed it. Frisk was still tense and scared, but she pulled me into a weak hug. She was still crying, I didn't want her to be like this.
     "I-I-I-I'm scared"
     "That's okay. I'm not going to leave you." She wrapped her arms around me and was crying into my shirt now. I knew I couldn't touch her anywhere that she didn't explicitly want me too, I've been in the same place she's in before, so I just let her hug me at her own pace. Eventually, she had cried herself to sleep. I laid her down and wiped the dried tears off her face. I took off my jacket and laid down with her. I pulled the blanket over us and kissed her forehead.
     "Goodnight, Frisk."
. . .
     I heard some shuffling, so I turned and saw Frisk sitting up at the edge of the bed.
     "Frisk?" She had her SOUL in her hand, glowing bright red. It looked different since the last time I saw it, though. Down the middle, there was a slight discoloration in the shaped a crack. Almost like a scar.
"I... think we need to talk."
"Okay, yeah, sure. What's up?" I sat up next to her.
"Im sorry for how I reacted to you last night."
"Frisk, listen. Don't ever apologize for having triggers. They are a natural response to the things around you and you can't control them."
"I know, I just... I'm supposed to trust you. Instead I yelled at you, ran away from you, and pushed you away."
"Frisk... Who hurt you?"
     "I... I suffer from honoris insanium; genetic insanity. Every once in a while, I have short lapses in judgement, I can't control what I do." She was looking into her own SOUL. Was she talking about how she killed everyone? I think I remember vaguely. We were in waterfall and, I got impaled. And Frisk just simply... broke. The last thing I remember was watching me walk towards her. "I get it from my dad, anytime I screwed up, he punished me. He said I deserved it." She was looking down at the ground, her voice had lost its usual perkiness.
"How so?"
"He beat me and my mom," what? "He told me: if you don't want your mom to get hurt, don't do bad things, Frisk, you and your mom will go to hell if you do. Or he would say: Your mom had been bad today, Frisk."
"Oh my god, Frisk." I covered my mouth. I was shocked.
"One day I— He— j-just watch. Touch my SOUL." I was confused, The SOUL seemed to be sparking with magic, like monsters use. But that can't be right, she's a human. Humans can't do magic, at least, not with a locked SOUL. I reached out to her SOUL, and a soft glow of purple and yellow enveloped my hand... I could see her memory as if it was mine. Her childhood home was a dump, literally. The walls were made out of rusted sheet metal and duct tape. It was pretty small but had room for a sleeping area, a kitchen, a living area, and a bathroom. She had dropped a plate and cut herself on it. She didn't dare cry. Crying would get daddy's attention. But he had already heard and stormed over here. Both her and her mom were frightened. He started screaming at them. There was a look in his eye. You could see the moment he snapped. He picked up a shotgun he had propped up against a wall and said:
"This is what happens when you mess up in the real world, Frisk. Keep watching~"
Boom.

Snail Fact #20:
Snails prefer to use knives over guns as weapons, and delight in the sounds of agony.