A court of water and worlds

Chapter #10

Fare to say Azriel got absolutely no sleep last night.
He didn't even get back into his bed.
He just kept pacing back and forth in his room the whole night because his brain wouldn't be quiet.
How could he be so stupid?
How could he not have seen it?
Why didn't she tell him?
Was she afraid of how he would react?
Or was it even true?
Is this why she always refused him?
It all makes sense, but at the same time it doesn't.
There was no question Azriel loved Mor.
He was in love with her for the longest time.
He had just started to get over her because of Elain.
Elain, God, he couldn't even think about that whole mess right now.
He had been in love with Mor for the better part of five hundred years.
He always knew he was unworthy of her, but he never thought she rejected him because of this.
But did she actually feel this way?
Was Mor bi or gay?
He was so confused.
It wasn't like he was mad at her for being gay, he was mad she didn't tell him.
He was mad at himself that he didn't see it.
He was mad at her for stringing him along all this time.
He was mad he made Mor feel like she couldn't tell him.
He truly didn't know what to do.
Should he ask her about it?
Should he let her tell him first?
He needed to clear his head, so he went flying.
He flew and flew for what was left of the night and morning and when he landed when his shadows were begging him to sleep, he finally passed out in his bed.
—-
Gwyn got up that morning covered in glitter.
How she was covered in glitter she didn't remember.
"Mmmm" Nesta said, rolling over half on top of Gwyn still sleeping.
Gwyn giggled, "morning Nes," she said bopping Nesta's nose and nesta scrunched her nose.
"Morning guys," emrie said, walking in with a tray of tea.
"Morning," Gwyn said and sat up as Emrie handed Gwyn a cup of tea.
"Thanks," Gwyn said, taking a sip and automatically feeling more awake.
"What time is it?" Gwyn asked.
"About Eight thirty," emrie said, also taking a sip of her tea.
"What? Training is in thirty minutes!" Gwyn said,
"We're still in our pajamas."
"Calm down, we still have time," emrie said with a chuckle.
"We only have thirty minutes," Gwyn said, confused as to why she was the only one who hated being late.
"What time do you usually get up before training?" Emrie asked.
Gwyn blushed "six" she said.
"Six in the morning!" Emrie said, "by the mother Gwyn how are you living right now."
"Well, some people don't need as much sleep as you and Nes over here," Gwyn said, flicking Nesta's nose.
And Nesta mumbled something that made Gwyn and Emrie laugh.
"We should probably get ready for training," Emrie said.
"Well no shit," Gwyn said getting up "it's eight thirty!"
Emrie laughed as Gwyn ran into the bathroom to get ready.
—-
Azriel didn't know what he was doing. All he knew was that he was stressed in his room all day and needed answers.
He didn't go to training today. He barely left his bed to be honest.
His brain was so full. He thought it might explode.
What was going on, he needed to get his emotions under control. He was a shadowsinger, a spymaster he was known for being emotionless and unreadable.
He landed in front of the river house, and tried to pull it together.
He knocked on the door and Mor appeared holding Nyx.
He knew every Monday night Mor baby sat Nyx, he still kept tabs on her.
God, he just realized how creepy that was, but he just wanted to make sure she was ok.
Just because she didn't want to be with him didn't mean he didn't want to protect her.
"Az, what's wrong?"
O God, was it really that noticeable how he was feeling.
This would be the first time in fifty years that Azriel felt like throwing up.
He just stared at her. Her beautiful long golden hair, her warm brown eyes, her dazzling smile.
Of course, he was unworthy of her.
Maybe she wasn't gay. Maybe she just didn't love him as he loved her, maybe she knew he was unworthy of her.
He looked to Nyx who's widened eyes were focused on Az.
His shadows were swarming around him, but they could not calm him, nothing would calm him, he was having a panic attack.
He couldn't breathe, he was in the cell again and it was so dark and—-
He didn't understand why, but He thought of the beautiful teal color of Gwyn's eyes and how they would sparkle in the moonlight.
He read an article once that blue is a calming color that was probably the reason he started to calm down.
"Here," Mor handed Azriel Nyx and pulled them inside.
Azriel held Nyx close to his chest and swayed back and forth.
Nyx played with his shadows and giggled which made Azriel smile.
At least he could make someone happy.
"Come on, sit down," Mor said and they both sat on the couch in the living room.
"What's going on Az?" Mor asked and Azriel froze.
Where should he start, how should he start.
Maybe he shouldn't have come.
He didn't want to offend her or ruin their friendship.
"I... umm" He was confused on what to do, how do you approach this situation.
Mor was watching him waiting for him to say something.
"I was talking to Gwyn the other night," he started.
"O," said Mor.
He was about to continue, but he stopped realizing that Gwyn had asked him not to tell anyone what she had told him.
"I wanted to talk to you about something," azriel said.
He was never this confrontational; he would usually just ignore his problems. He had no idea how to talk about his feelings or anything related.
"And what is that," Mor asked, leaning back on the couch with elegant grace.
"Well," Azriel started "Mor, I've umm..."
"Az are you sure everything is ok?" She asked.
He really didn't know how to answer that question.
"Yeah" he said and it sounded more high pitched than he intended it to.
"Look," he said, trying to gather some courage.
"I umm... saw you at practice the other day talking to Emrie,"
She nodded and sat up straighter looking uncomfortable.
"Well I have heard you guys have been hanging out, and umm... I know It's probably not in my place but do you umm... like her?"
Mor bit her lip "yeah," Mor said nervously chuckling "of course I like her, she is a really nice person."
Azriel finally had the courage to look into her eyes.
"I think you know what I'm asking Mor," Azriel said softly, his eyes now warm and gentle.
Mor looked away from him, stood up and started pacing.
"I umm..." said Mor, her voice now thick.
He stood up and touched her shoulder in support, his shadows disappearing.
Tears started falling down her cheeks.
"Az, I'm sorry I didn't mean for you to find out this way. I was just afraid that if you found out we wouldn't be friends anymore and I didn't want that." Mor said, between sobs.
Azriel stepped closer and hugged her, so now Mor, azriel and Nyx were all having a big group hug.
"Mor there is nothing you could do that would make me leave you and even if there was this would never be something to end a friendship over, you matter way too much to me. I want you to be happy." He said, holding her.
She looked up at him and said those words he had been worried about all day.
"I'm gay, Az" Mor said looking at him through her tear filled eyes.
And somehow, hearing them from her didn't scare him. All he felt was admiration for her, he was proud.
It felt like a giant weight was lifted off of his chest.
He loved her, he always would, but knowing this made him feel like he could truly move on from her. which made him a little sad, but it didn't matter, nothing did aside from the smile on Mor's face.
The rest of the night, he and Mor sat on the couch playing with Nyx till he fell asleep.
Mor told him about Andromache, and more tears were shed, but it was good this was good.
At the end of the night, when Azriel flew back home to the house of wind, he felt like his heart was no longer straining under the weight of the world.
He fell asleep that night with a smile on his face.