A court of water and worlds

Chapter #57

Gwyn couldn't breathe.
Her heart was beating five beats faster every time she blinked.
She took a gasping breath, but the air did nothing to fill her empty lungs.
She felt hot all over and cold at the same time.
And she was shaking, she was panicking.
"Hey," she heard someone say.
She felt like her vision was glazed over. Everything was blurry.
"Gwyn, hey look at me."
Nesta was trying to get her attention.
Gwyn looked down to find Nesta holding her hands.
She didn't even feel it. How long had she been holding them?
She felt her breath quicken again as she remembered why she was here. To pack her bag for spring court.
O, Cauldron.
She was grabbing at her throat trying to force air into her lungs.
She let out a panicked sob.
Where was she, what was happening?
"Gwyn, look at me," Nesta demanded, "what's wrong?"
"I can't... breathe" she managed to get out.
She nodded, "do you want to go outside?"
She shook her head, "no, we—
Tears started streaming down her face.
"I don't have time. I have to get to spring," she sobbed.
"Hey," Nesta pulled her into a tight embrace. Or as tight as she could get with the slight swell in her stomach.
"She is having a panic attack," Flora noted from behind Gwyn.
"No shit," Gwyn muttered into Nesta's shoulder, still shaking.
Nesta's hands were making soothing strokes up and down her back.
"Good to see you can still make jokes," Nesta huffed a laugh.
Still, she couldn't stop shaking.
"Here," Flora said, putting her hand on Gwyn's shoulder.
Immediately Gwyn felt better.
It was as if her anxiety was just leached out of her body.
"How—-how did you do that? I thought you could only read emotions?" Gwyn asked, stunned.
"I have raw magic," Flora answered quietly, "I just don't like to use it that often."
Gwyn and Nesta both stared at her.
"Hey," Emrie said walking into Gwyn's bedroom.
"Are you ready to go to spring?" She smiled brightly.
Shit.
Breath. Breath.
"You don't have to go if you don't feel up for it," Nesta assured.
"I can do it," Gwyn said, determined.
"You are brave," Emrie said and kissed Gwyn's cheek, "don't forget that. You're a Valkyrie Gwyn. A brave fearless Valkyrie."
Gwyn nodded, not letting go of Nesta. She was her anchor right now.
"Speaking of," Gwyn's voice was still as shaky as ever, "how are the Valkyrie doing?"
"Good," Nesta led Gwyn over to her bed to sit down.
Flora came over to Gwyn and did the same thing again. Gwyn immediately felt better, but was confused. She hadn't heard of anyone possessing raw magic in centuries.
And Flora just brushed it off like it was nothing. If Flora truly did have raw magic, she must be very powerful. Like Feyre Acheron type of powerful. Because raw magic can take on any type of form. Flora could adapt her powers to be like any of the high lords. So like Feyre but potentially more powerful than her.
Flora didn't seem phased as she sat next to Gwyn and leaned her head on Gwyn's shoulder.
Innocence graced her features.
"Since you agreed to move to train more females there have been many new recruits from the library," Nesta spoke and Gwyn remembered she had asked a question.
"And any females from the Illyrian camps?"
"I'm afraid most of the women there had been taken by Koschei," Nesta's face twisted in anger.
Gwyn's breathing picked up again.
They still had to save the females. Azriel did go to Koschei's lake but he only reported to Rhys. She would have to ask him if he found anything on the females when he came to take her to spring.
"I wish you could see it, Gwyn. We train outside—- there is so much more space, and we do mind stilling by the lake,"
"It all sounds lovely," Gwyn murmured, picturing it. A life training the Valkyrie. A dream so far away now Gwyn didn't know if she could ever touch it again.
"Cass and Mor have been helping a lot," Nesta added.
An oily feeling crept into Gwyn at the mention of Mor.
It might be disliked? Distrust?
Gwyn quickly pushed the feeling away.
This was Mor.
The same Mor that had stayed with her for days after the temple was attacked to make sure she felt safe.
The same Mor that had helped train the Valkyrie. The same Mor that was with Emerie. Loved Emrie.
Even though Mor had lied to her... greatly lied, Gwyn would not hold it against her.
Gwyn would forgive Mor because... because there was too much death and loss in her heart to store the grief of betrayal.
They all might die at Koschei's hand whenever he decided to strike anyway.
So, Next time she saw Mor they would talk.
"Where is Mor?" Gwyn looked to Emrie who studied her carefully.
"With the Valkyrie," Emerie paused, "she feels terrible, Gwyn. She wanted to give you space—-
"It's alright."
"What? Gwyn, it's not alright what she did. Even I can see that. You don't have to pretend it's alright—
"I know," Gwyn said quietly but not weakly.
She had talked to Nesta and Flora about her meeting Eris. Nesta, it seemed, was also not a fan of Eris. Gwyn also told them what Mor had done.
"I would like to talk to her," Gwyn said to Emerie who nodded, Looking weary.
Gwyn didn't bother explaining that she wasn't mad at Mor, she was too tired.
"I think you're all packed. Unless there is something else you would like to bring on your trip alone with Azriel."
Gwyn frowned at Nesta even though she knew Nesta was trying to distract her from her worries by teasing her.
"No, I think the clothes and daggers will do just fine," Gwyn narrowed her eyes at Nesta who just closed Gwyn's bag smiling.
"The shadowsinger?" Flora Questioned and Gwyn nodded.
"You'll be alright while I'm gone?" Gwyn looked into Flora's green eyes searching for any uncertainty.
Flora just dipped her head, "I'll be alright."
Gwyn was worried about leaving so often. She honestly had been spending less and less time in the library.
"Plus, I have been helping Merrill with her research."
Gwyn nodded.
Yes, Flora had briefly told her about that. She wouldn't go to the new Valkyrie camps but was brave enough to help Merrill.
"Which I'm already late for," Flora frowned and stood up.
That's it? no blinding terror that Merrill would choke the air out of her lungs if she were late?
No fear was shown on Flora's beautiful face as she gave Gwyn a hug and a kiss on the cheek, wishing her luck for the days ahead.
Nesta and Mor did the same and soon she was left sitting alone on her bed.
She did a last check in to make sure she wasn't missing anything. She also tested the Indomitable Sexuality this morning. For some reason she had felt more control over it. She still had to water walk to Release some of the tension within her power, but for the most part it wasn't all consuming. She had been able to delay it for a short while. That was a win in Gwyn's book.
She fell back onto her bed with a smile on her face.
When was the last time she had been alone?
Gwyn took a breath savoring in the silence—-
A knock sounded at the door and his scent hit her.
Azriel.
She groaned, sitting up and walking over to the door.
She opened the Door and he froze.
"Az, what's wrong?" She asked, confused at his unsettled state.
His wide eyes and gaping mouth, his wings tense at his back, and his shadows— they were swirling around him in hurried motions.
He never revealed this much in his face... ever.
She touched his cheek hoping to help focus his thoughts.
A shadow immediately leaped on her skin.
"I—I" he stuttered. Azriel never stuttered.
She tugged on his arm guiding him into the privacy of her room.
She felt his muscles tense under her touch.
"Az, talk to me," she sat down on her bed and tugged him down with her.
"I'm alright," his voice was Guttural and eyes held secrets.
"No," Gwyn said, shaking her head, "don't lie to me. If you're not ready to talk about it, that's ok, but don't lie."
He slowly nodded, not taking his eyes off her, making her feel stripped bare.
She waited for fear to set in, but it never did. She liked when he looked at her like that. Liked when all five hundred years of predatory intent was focused on her.
She watched His hazel eyes run across all of her features.
He seemed to calm after a moment... or whatever the closest to calm she had seen Azriel get.
His eyes remained wide and his mouth was in a stiff line.
"Az, what's going on?"
She watched him blink. Once. Twice.
His uneven breathing turned solid. She watched him slip on a mask of Impassiveness.
"We need to get to spring," he stood up and backed away from her.
She knew that of course.
"Ok," she said, carefully standing up.
Was he worried about going to spring?
Worried about finding a death sword?
Worried about the Illyrian females?
Worried about Koschei?
Those were all valid things to be stressed about, but she had never seen the shadowsinger this... tense before.
"Get your bag," his curious eyes turned cold, "we have to leave now if we are to arrive before nightfall."
Gwyn frowned at his serious tone.
Maybe he was angry that he had to be the one to go to spring with her.
Guilt crept into her at the thought.
She needed him, but she didn't even consider his feelings before asking him to go with her.
"Az—-
"Come on," he opened her door, not looking her in the eye.
She picked up her bag hating every guilt ridden step she took.
He was just doing his job.
She often forgot that he was the spymaster for night court. He was doing this to save his court, she reminded herself.
Gods, how could she be so self centered. this wasn't even about her.
Too many thoughts whirled around in her mind mimicking Azriel's shadows that had not stopped incerciling her.
His shadows were acting the complete opposite of Azriel: warm and loving while Az was colder than ice.
They walked out of the library, him a step ahead of her as if he couldn't even stand to look at her.
Alright then, if he wanted to play cold... she would annoy the shit out of him until he spoke.
They made their way to the house of wind when he finally looked at her.
"Ready?" He asked, his pack appearing in his arms.
She nodded and gripped his hand. They were falling through the darkness for longer than usual then they were in the air. Azriel had one hand gripped under her knees and another around her waist as he landed on the greenest land Gwyn had ever seen.
He set her down gently and his eyes told her a whole different story of how he was actually feeling. She saw maybe... longing?
Gwyn didn't have time to dwell on the thought as The scent of the surrounding forest hit her. Fresh flowers, ancient trees— apple trees, and Cauldron, even the dirt beneath her feet smelt wonderful.
She had not expected this... this feeling of belonging.
This feeling of... her heart swelled.
Home.
She felt home.
And it hit her like a fucking brick wall.
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Sorry again for not posting for like a year.
I hope you like this chapter, things are about to get exciting... hopefully.
Ummmmmm one last thing I made a tumbler account and I posted two Elucien one shots. I'm still not quite sure how to work the app but hopefully I will get the hang of it.
So yeah, if you like Elucien then my user name or whatever it's called is cassianwithamessybun because what else would it be. Anyway thank you sooo much for reading and have a super great restful night❤️
Biiiiiiiii