A court of water and worlds

Chapter #34

Azriel froze as he saw Elain's eyes fall to Gwyn's neck.
Shit the necklace.
He honestly didn't ever expect Gwyn and Elain to meet.
He would explain this to Elain, there was still time to fix this.
He watched Elain quickly look away from the necklace and look towards Feyre.
Elain's eyes didn't travel towards Azriel's side of the room the rest of the meeting.
The meeting was over and he had stayed back to speak with Feyre and Rhys.
"Keep a close eye on the Camps," Rhys said, "especially Liao's camp."
Azriel nodded and made his way out the door and into the hallway.
He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Gwyn talking to Elain.
What the hell.
He walked up to them and locked eyes with Elain.
After, he would explain everything to Elain, he could fix this, but after he brought Gwyn home.
"Time to go?" He asked breathlessly, turning towards Gwyn.
Gwyn nodded, then smiled at Elain and said "if you ever need any help with Research let me know, or just come to the library, I'm sure we could find you some information."
What information?
Why would Elain need information?
"Thank you," Elain said with a small smile.
She turned towards Azriel and the breath he took did nothing to fill his lungs.
She was beautiful.
Her long gold brown curls,big brown eyes, and perfect rose bud lips.
"Ready?" Gwyn asked, pulling him out of his daze.
He tore his eyes away from Elain, "Ready," he assured, grabbing Gwyn's hand and they winnowed back to the house.
"What was that about?" Azriel asked Gwyn the moment the darkness thinned.
"What?" Gwyn asked furrowing her brows.
"You talking to Elain?" Azriel said just realizing how eager and nosy he was coming off as.
"I just asked her more details about her deal with Koschei," Gwyn said, crossing her arms, "what's the big deal?" She asked and Azriel gave her a look.
"It's not a big deal," he said rubbing his temple, "I was just wondering. Snooping is my job, remember?"
She widened her legs and kept her arms crossed in a defensive stance.
"Well, I don't want you to snoop on me. I said it once and I'll say it again, that is called stalking," she said and Azriel rolled his eyes.
"It was hardly stalking, I just wanted to know if you were talking about something that would put the night court at risk," Azriel said.
Cauldron, for a spy he should really be better at lying.
"Yes," Gwyn said smiling, "actually me and Elain were secretly plotting how to team up with Koschei and take down the night court," sarcasm dripping from her tone.
"Az," Gwyn said, and Azriel realized that was the first time she had called him that.
He smiled.
"I think you have fomo," Gwyn continued.
He furrowed his brows.
"What the hell is fomo?" He asked, utterly confused.
"Fear of missing out," Gwyn said and Azriel glared at her.
"I do not have fomo, I don't even like hanging out with people," he said, crossing his arms.
True, he liked being by himself most of the time but for some reason he could never pull himself away from Gwyn.
He pushed aside the thought.
"Whatever," Gwyn said, uncrossing her arms, "I'm going to bed, and you should too," she gave him a look.
"I will," he said quietly, looking down.
No one except for his mother ever talked to him like that, it kind of made him want to hug her.
He looked back up and Gwyn asked, "will there be training tomorrow?"
"I assume so," he said, "but I won't be there and Cas might not either but Mor can go."
Gwyn nodded and he watched as the light bounced off her hair making a golden red.
"Well, goodnight then shadowsinger," Gwyn said and turned.
"Goodnight priestess," he said, smiling as he watched her leave.
He stayed there for a moment enjoying the lightness he felt in his heart.
Elain, he remembered.
Shit—-
He winnowed back to the mountain palace, hoping to find her there.
He walked down the silent hallway not letting his footsteps make a sound.
"And then the dragon was cut down by the mighty warrior—
Azriel heard Nesta's voice.
He opened the door to a random room and found Nesta sitting on a couch holding Nyx, reading to him.
Azriel walked past the room trying to remember why he came here.
Elain, right.
He heard soft footsteps farther down the hallway.
He finally caught up with her.
"Elain?" He said and she turned around to face him.
She was wearing a cloak over her dress as if she was going somewhere.
"Are you going somewhere?"
"No," she said, "I got a little cold, I was just going to go to sleep."
"Are you staying here?" He asked, confused.
"Yes, Feyre said that this would be safest for us because the palace has better protective wards then the river house," she said and Azriel had never heard her speak so much.
He nodded and said "Elain about the necklace—-
She cut him off "it's no big deal Az, really."
He was confused, she didn't even look remotely hurt by the fact that he gave her necklace to someone else.
He stared at her for a moment before saying, "you know nothing is going on between me and Gwyn, we're just friends."
He saw Elain try to stifle a smile as if he just told her a really funny joke.
"It's none of my Business who you choose to spend your time with," she said, her smile disappearing.
Azriel frowned, "but I want it to be your business," he said, just realizing how vulnerable he made himself.
She looked at him and her eyes looked sad, "Az, we can't do this," she said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
He felt his heart crack.
"What do you mean, we haven't even done anything?" He asked, trying to understand her.
"We can't be together, this isn't going to work," her voice got thicker, "you need to let me go."
He felt like someone had just ripped his heart out of his chest.
"But I thought—
he stuttered "I— I want to be with you. Do you not want me?"
He needed to stop, he was being too vulnerable. He was giving her too much of himself to break.
After all these years he thought they would be together, he never thought Elain didn't want him.
"Of course I want you Az, but," she paused, taking a breath and closing her eyes.
"Just as a friend though, nothing more," it looked like it pained her to say that.
She opened her eyes and he could see them filled with tears.
"We are not so post to be together," she said and he still didn't understand.
"That doesn't make sense," he said with sadness turning to anger, "anyone can be with anyone."
"Does this have to do with Lucien?" He asked, his blood boiling.
"What?" Elain said, crossing her arms, "No! I didn't end things with you just so I can be with him. I am a person, Azriel, not some silly girl who devotes her life to finding love and breaking hearts."
He could hear the anger in her voice.
She never spoke to him like this.
"I didn't say any of those things Elain," he sighed and massaged his temples.
"It doesn't matter anyway," she said and he looked at her.
"Why are you saying these things," he said, taking a step towards her and taking her hands in his.
"Did I do something?" He asked, holding her hands to his chest.
"No," she said, voice thick, "you didn't do anything wrong, you're perfect."
She smiled up at him but the smile didn't reach her eyes.
"But that doesn't change the fact that we are not so post to be together," she repeated, taking her hands back.
"I don't understand," he said, his vision going blurry with tears.
"I know," she said, "and you won't understand for a little while."
What was happening, this was not how he had imagined this to go at all.
He thought she would be upset about the necklace but he would apologize and kiss her and everything would be ok and they would be together.
But he had never in a million years imagined this.
"I don't want to hurt you, Az," she said, backing away.
"No," he shook his head, "can't you see," he fisted his shirt right where his heart was.
"You are hurting me, this— this is the worst thing—
I don't understand," he said again, taking shaking breaths.
"I'm sorry Az," she said, turning to leave.
He wanted to stop her to beg her to stay but he couldn't move.
He could barely breathe or think, all he could feel was pain.
Why does this always happen?
Things never go as he planned them to, he should have known he was never good enough for Elain.
But why does he let it affect him so much?
Why does it hurt so bad?
She didn't even reject him to be with her mate, she rejected him because she didn't want to be with him.
Was he really all that terrible?
He sunk to the ground in the empty hallway and let the tears in his eyes fall.
His shadows appeared a second later to wrap around him, they had disappeared when he found Elain.
He needed to get out of here.
He wrapped his shadows around himself and winnowed away.
———
"Az, if you eat any more you are going to have the worst stomach ache," his mother said to him.
He just glared at her and shoved more cake in his mouth.
"Stop being such a baby," she said, washing the dishes.
"I'm not being a baby, I'm sad," he said with a mouthful of cake.
"Well it's ok to be sad but don't let this affect your whole life, she's just one girl," his mother said, taking the cake away from him and he made a pouty face.
"But she's not just any girl," he sighed.
"It doesn't matter Az, she made a choice and you have to respect her decision," his mother said, taking a bite of cake.
He was currently at his mothers house in a village near the Illyrian mountains.
"But what if she made the wrong decision, shouldn't I—-
"No," his mother said, "you shouldn't do anything."
"Mom?" Azriel said, resting his head on the counter.
"Yes,"
"My heart hurts," he said and lifted his head to meet his mother's eyes.
"I know darling, but it will get better," she said, coming over to sit in a chair next to him.
"You need to fix this hair," she added, running her hands through his hair.
"My hair is fine mom," he said "besides I have bigger problems to worry about."
"Yes, yet you are here wallowing in self pity over a girl. Isn't there a war going on," she said, grabbing his chin and making him look at her.
"Whatever," he said, getting up and sneaking another bite of cake.
"I'm going to go do spy stuff, as you call it," he walked over to her and kissed her cheek.
"See you soon,"
"I love you," she said and he started walking to the door smiling.
"I love you too."