Oh, this is gonna be a gas!

Let me explain.

TW: Mention of Suicide Attempt, Flashback Miscarriage

"We need to talk."

"Yes-"

"I-I should-"

"Let me go first-"

Jo walked towards Lizzie sitting om front of her tsking both Lizzies hands in hers "Please. Let me go first." Lizzie nodded pursing her lips together "I was seventeen. Silas. Well Silas was the guy I thought hung the moon in the stars he found me a few months before a shotgun in my hands-"

"-you don't have to-"

"No. I want to. You deserve the truth. I was in a really dark place so dark I didn't think there was any other way but that he found me and all of the sudden he was my little glimmer of light. He was great for the first few months he was kind, caring, gentle, and for the first time in a long time I felt loved by someone who I didn't feel had an obligation to love me." She took a long shaky breath "He never touched me wrong, never laid a finger on me but he started becoming manipulative and controlling." Her voice got thick with emotions "I c-couldn't I uhm c-couldn't eat, or move or even breath without his okay." She took a pause. Lizzie could see the cogs in her brain spinning "I got sick. Thought it was food poisoning but it just didn't stop." She took a pause breathing out "So I took a pregnancy test. Actually. I took three and they all came back positive. I was terrified. I went and talked to Silas. I think we were really both too shocked to really think straight. That night I went to bed with a baby. I woke up in the middle of the night with severe cramps. I moved the blanket there was blood. A lot of blood." She took a pause tears streaking down her face  "I uhm I told Silas I just got my period but I knew It wasn't just that."

"You had a miscarriage." the word sounded foreign in her mouth. It took every ounce of her not to place her hand on her uterus or even take a quick glance down but she knew her wife needed her full attention.

"Yeah. I had a miscarriage. Silas just got worse after that. He was angry. So angry at me for killing his kid."

Lizzie moved her hands to Jo's face cradling her head in her hands she took the pads of her thumbs wiping her tears away "I love you. Do you hear me? That was not your fault."

Jo pulled away "Yes it is."

Lizzie pulled her back in "Don't you pull away from me." her voice was stern but full of love "None of that was your fault. And I will spend the rest of my life convincing you."

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Love me"

"Josephine Lillian Hamilton Olsen you are the love of my life."

"I'm broken."

"No you are in pieces." the look Jo gave her made her chuckle "Let me finish. You are the pieces that fit with my pieces."

Jo's face softened "I love you." 

Lizzie put her forehead against Jo's "I love you too."

When they pulled apart Jo's eyes widened "I don't think I hit my head but did I hear you say you were pregnant."

Lizzie smiled gently "I did."

Jo's face widened into an impossibly large smile tears fresh in her eyes "You're pregnant?"

Lizzie smiled with tears in her eyes before laughing "I'm pregnant!"

Jo jumped up running in tight circles around the room before doing a backflip. Lizzie held her breath terrified that her wife would somehow rip her stitches. Jo went to kiss Lizzie but Lizzie stopped her, Lizzie tapped on her lips where Jo's stitches were Lizzie leaned forward kissing the part of her lips where the stitches weren't. When they pulled way Jo's eyes seemed to twinkle ever so bright. Jo quickly turned on the bed so her back was against the headboard she patted the space between her legs. Lizzie rolled her eyes moving so she could sit between her wife's legs. Jo wrapped her arms under Lizzies letting her hands rest on Lizzies lower abdomen. Lizzie smiled to herself placing her hands on top of Jo's "I'm not getting my belly back for a while am I?"

"Nope!" Jo said proudly Lizzie chuckled settling against Jo "When did you find out?"

"The day I came down."

"Why did you wait to tell me?"

"I had this great plan to tell you tomorrow. I was going to set up a picnic or something."

"You didn't have to do all that."

"I didn't get to." Lizzie laughed

"I'm sorry." Jo kissed Lizzies cheek

"It's okay."

"Only thing that matters is you and baby are doing good."

"We are doing perfectly now that you are okay."

"I am doing perfectly."

"I love you."

"I love you more."

"I love you most."

"Never."

"Never."

"I love you too baby Olsen."