Okay! Okay! Let's fucking Vent!!
My mom has the nerve to call me Lazy. ME LAZY, When yesterday and the day before, I had college work and I'm still not finished and had to put all nighters before I could finish, then I cleaned the whole house yesterday so my parents could come back with a clean house. But noooooooooo I fall asleep for an extra 10 minutes and maybe more, but my mom has the audacity to call me lazy!!
I wanted to tell her, I wanted to tell her off, but I bit back because I was afraid. Afraid of the consequences of what'll happen when I do tell her off.
I'm struggling with so much mental instability and I have no one but myself for help and I can't focus on anything else but my college work and slowly but surely, I'm losing my grip on the rope that ties me to my family. When I move out, I'm thinking about cutting it and I don't wanna do that, but I'm super close on doing it.
When I move out, I'm focusing on the important stuff first, finding a good place to stay, finding a job and working on myself. I'm sick in tired of feeling depressed so much and I think it's getting worse now that I'm growing. My mom can get medicine for my grandma, but not for me? Does she think now that I'm older, I have to do it myself now?
I fucking no nothing!! She has taught me nothing!! My dad taught me fucking nothing!! I have no help and no idea what the fuck I'm doing. I don't know shit about shit and I have fucking memory loss.
Yeah, Memory loss, the shit that my mom doesn't believe exists whenever I say, "Oh I forgot, I'm sorry" But she doesn't believe it, I forget so much shit, it hurts. I forget shit that happened yesterday so fucking much, it hurts and It's all because of my depression!! I tried explaining this to my mom, but she ignored me and yelled at me to stop.
Doesn't she see that her oldest daughter wants help? She tried to help when I was in middle school, but she doesn't have enough patience for it and she made it worse back then by yelling at me and telling me to off myself whenever I told her I wanted to end my life. She couldn't handle it, but now I have a better grasp of it, I know what's happening, but she still refuses to help me. I'm like some trash that someone left out, they know it's there, but they don't wanna do anything about it.
It fucking hurts man and it's worse when you have homophobic parents.
It really hurts
