Heartless

5 ⚠️

⚠️ SELF HARM ⚠️

"I already told you about how my dad died." I said, she nodded along, getting comfortable, getting closer and closer to me. "So that's basically all there is to it." She tilted her head. "After he died, I don't let myself care about anyone new."

"But." Yelena said simply.

"What do you mean, there is no but." I said.

"Well I know that there's more to the story." Her thumb started caressing my hand again.

"Well, after he died I started doing bad things to myself. Um, Kate realized and she stopped me, and she swore that she'd never leave me." Yelena nodded and pulled me in for a hug. I didn't know what to do, so I just leaned against her comfortably, resting my head on her shoulders and put my arms around her. It was awkward but it felt nice. I pulled away after a few seconds, avoiding eye contact with her. "I-I have to go." I stood up and walked out of the room, running to Kates room.

"Hey Ivy." She smiled at me as she let me in. I immediately walked down and sat down on the bed. "What's up?" She sat down next to me.

"I told Yelena." I leaned forward and put my head in my hands.

"You told Yelena about what?" She asked, putting her hand on my back, I shook her hand off.

"I told her about our dad dying. And what I would do to myself. And how you stopped me." I mumbled. I heard her get off the bed and walk around the room.

"That's good, Ivy. You're opening up to someone." She said excitedly, I shot up off the bed.

"No, that's not good!" I exclaimed. "Because if I tell her things, she can tell other people, or she can leave! Or she could die!" I said, tears begin to escape from my eyes, Kate was just smiling.

"You're admitting to yourself that you care." She took a step closer to me. "This is good." I shook my head. "Yes it is."

"I don't like it, it hurts." I wiped a tear off from my face, I haven't cried in five years. "I don't want to feel like this." I whispered. Kate nodded and hugged me, I didn't put my arms around her, I just stood there.

"It's ok." She whispered. I pulled away from her and walked out the door, going back to my room.

"Where did you go?" Yelena asked, getting up off the bed.

"I went to see Kate." I said before walking into the bathroom. I locked the door and leaned on the sink, staring into the mirror, tears were streaming down my face. I saw a razor and I picked it up. "Fuck it." I whispered to myself. I dragged it across my wrist, smiling painfully as I saw the blood appear, I did it again, and again.

"Ivy, are you ok?" Yelena knocked on the door. "You've been in there for like ten minutes." My eyes widened and I stared down at my wrist, there were eight cuts with blood seeping out of them.

"Y-yeah. One second." I stammered, grabbing a bunch of toilet paper and pressing it down onto the cuts, trying to stop the bleeding.

"I'm coming in." Yelena said, I heard her pick the lock and then the door swung open. I threw the toilet paper into the toilet, flushing it and held my hands behind my back. "What are you doing?" She asked me suspiciously.

"I was going to the bathroom." I lied.

"I can tell when people are lying." She said, walking closer to me, I tried to stay as calm as possible but it wasn't working.

"Look, you don't have to worry I was just zoned out and I didn't realize how long I was in here."

"Like I said, I can tell when people are lying." She smirked softly. "Give me your arm." I held out the arm I didn't do anything to. "Other arm." I hesitantly held out the other arm, face down. She grabbed my hand and turned it over. I saw her face soften and her eyes darken with sadness. I pulled my arm away and started walking away, but she grabbed my other arm and pulled me back. "I want to help you." She whispered.

"Ok." I said while looking down to the ground. I felt something cold and wet on my arm, and looked up. She was putting a wet paper towel on it. I looked at her and couldn't help but smile, she was so concentrated.

"I got the bleeding to stop." She said after a few minutes, I made sure to look away before she looked back at me. She let my arm fall back down to my side and held my face in her hands, wiping my tears off of my face with her thumbs. Then she grabbed my arm again and kissed my wrist. My knees got weak as she looked into my eyes and smiled.

"Stop." I said as she grabbed my hand. She hesitantly let my hand go, but she hugged me again. My body shook with a sob and she held me tighter, I rested my head on her shoulder, a tear trickled down my face onto her chest. I pulled away and smiled widely at her. "Thank you." She nodded and smiled sadly. "What?" I asked her.

"Nothing." She shook her head and started to walk away. I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back, she kissed me on the lips gently.

"What was that for?" I asked her quietly, confused. She didn't answer. "It's really confusing when you do that, you know." I told her. "Friends don't kiss each other on the lips."

"I know." She smiled and turned away, walking out of the room.

What was that supposed to mean?