Heartless

27

"Ivy, what did you do?" Yelena asked as I walked out of the closet. I saw her eyes darken as she realized what had happened. "No Ivy."

"Don't worry baby." I assured her. "I'll always care about you." I smirked and turned back to Pietro. No matter how much I hated to admit it at the moment, I would always care about Yelena. And there was no way in hell I could pretend that I didn't.

"That's not the problem sweetheart." She said softly. "You know that's not the problem." She tried to get me to talk. "Ivy, you can't do this again."

"Why not? It's easier than accepting that she's gone." I whispered, tears coming to my eyes at the thought of never seeing Kate again.

"But you know what happened last time, you made it worse. You put yourself in a dark place and told yourself you couldn't care and you're still trying to heal from that. You have to let yourself care and feel this or you're never going to make any progress." She said, stepping closer to me.

"I can make progress Yelena. But we're not the same, we don't get over things the same way." I told her. "This is my way, and you're just going to have to roll with it."

"But this isn't the right way, you have to learn to accept it, not just ignore it until it goes away." She said, raising her voice a little bit.

"But I can't feel that way again." I whispered. "I don't want to go through that again." I whimpered. "I can't go through it."

"Everyone ends up going through it, it's just a part of life." Yelena said softly.

"But it's gonna hurt so bad."

"You have to let yourself feel it." She took another step towards me.

"But, she's been there for me my whole life. Even after I was a complete bitch to her, she always stood by me. She always helped me, introduced me to you, and that's what I'm most grateful for. But I just can't accept the fact that I'm never going to see her again. She's really gone." I finished the last sentence in a whisper so quiet I could barely hear myself.

"It's going to be ok." She took a step forward and hugged me, I pushed her away.

"I get it, I get it Yelena. I have to feel it but I can't, not right now. So give me some time." I walked away, but Pietro sped up beside me.

"What are you doing?" He asked me. "You can't shut everyone out again." He made me stop walking and turn to him.

"I can do what I want. And right now, that's what I want to do." I said sternly, turning away to walk back to my room.

"But what about Yelena, she needs you Ivy. If you shut her out you'll break her."

"I won't shut her out." I said through clenched teeth. "I love her too much." I whispered.

"But what about everyone else."

"No one else cares about me, and no one else should care. No one worries about me, and I don't worry about them. You meet this version of me, you know the deal." I said.

"I haven't met that version of you."

"Well everyone else did, and they know the deal. And I guess you know it now too." I walked away but he stopped me again.

"Don't shut me out Ivy, you're my best friend. We can support each other, we both just lost someone who was very important to us." He said hopelessly. "You can talk to me. You let Yelena in, you can let in someone else too." He said.

"I said this to Clint and I'll say it to you. You don't want to see my mind, it's a dark place." I said before turning away and actually getting away this time. I slammed the door behind me as I entered my room and went straight to the bathroom. I rested my hands against the counter, supporting myself as I looked up into the mirror, only to see myself. I grimaced and punched the mirror as hard as I could, shattering it. I smiled as I saw the cuts and blood on my hand. "Welcome back old friend."