Heartless

19 ⚠️

⚠️ SELF HARM ⚠️

"Guess what I found." I said, walking into my room with a Christmas ornament.

"What?" Yelena was preoccupied on her phone, I walked over to her and heard her laugh. My heart skipped a beat and I lied down next to her. "Is that a Christmas ornament?" She asked.

"Yeah." I said. "Do you not like it?" It was a small glass bumblebee, she opened her mouth to respond. "It's ok, I'll just give it back to Kate."

"No, no sweetheart, I like it." She said quietly before I walked out the door. "Ivy!" I didn't hear her, I ran back to Kate's room. I knocked on the door and I heard panting, she opened the door and poked her head around.

"Oh um, did I interrupt something?" I asked her, seeing Pietro under the covers on her bed.

"Uh no, I'll take this." She took the ornament from my hand and shut the door in my face.

"Rude." I scoffed before walking back to my room. I shut the door behind me softly before jumping next to Yelena and kissed her cheek.

"Sweetheart, I said you could keep the ornament!" She whispered.

"I'm sorry I didn't hear you baby." I got off the bed and went to the closet to go get some clothes.

"Tony announced you as the new Avenger today." Yelena said, still looking at her phone.

"Oh, why today? I've been one for like four months." I counted on my fingers.

"I don't know." Yelena shrugged.

"What is it?" I asked her, she was being more quiet than usual. "Are you alright?" I walked over to her and sat down next to her on the bed, she put her phone down quickly and sat up. "Yelena are you ok?" I looked into her eyes worriedly.

"Yeah." She sighed.

"It is so obvious when you lie." I told her, she furrowed her eyebrows. "Yelena, please tell me what's wrong." I pleaded, putting my arms around her and kissing her on the cheek repeatedly.

"Ok!" She exclaimed, I pulled away from her quickly. "I'm sorry sweetheart." She whispered, patting my knee and kissing my forehead. "It's just some of the comments on the post aren't exactly nice." She said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it happens to anyone who joins the team. But I don't want you to have your feelings hurt." She said.

"Well I want to see what they said." I frowned, grabbing my phone and checking the post Tony made. "Oh." I whispered as I saw multiple comments saying that I was the fattest Avenger and that I was insanely ugly. "You all got these?" I asked her.

"Yeah, we did." She said, watching my face carefully, trying to read my emotions. "But there are good comments too." She pointed out. I sniffed and got up, walking to the bathroom and shutting the door behind me. "Sweetheart, let me in."

"No, I just need some time alone." I said, whimpering as I dragged a blade across my skin.

"Alright, I'll be on the bed." She said. "I love you so much." I didn't respond, just continued to drag the blade across my skin. I washed the blade off and cleaned my face. I stopped the bleeding and just stared at my face. Oh my God I hated it so much. It took everything in me to not just punch the mirror.

"I'm alright." I said once I had washed myself up and stepped out of the bathroom.

"You sure?" She asked, I nodded and she walked up to me and gave me a hug. "You're the most beautiful person I have ever met. I love you so much and everyone here does too. Everyone is just jealous ok, they don't mean what they're saying, you're not fat and you are so fucking beautiful." She kissed my temple, I slowly put my arms around her and relaxed in her embrace.

"I love you." I whispered, she tightened her grip on me and then I let go.

"Sweetheart, you know I can tell when you lie." She told me.

"What do you mean, I love you, I love you so much." I said.

"I know you do, I'm not talking about that. You're not alright." She said simply. "And I understand that, you just read some really hateful things about yourself but I need you to promise me that you didn't just do anything reckless in there." She said, gazing into my eyes lovingly.

"I swear I didn't." I lied.

"Can you promise me you won't." She asked.

"I promise, I won't." It felt so bad lying to Yelena straight through my teeth.

"Come here."