Heartless

29

"I'm glad to see that you're back to normal. Not being an emotionless bitch." Pietro joked, I rolled my eyes and walked to the other side of the kitchen. "You're going to Kates funeral, right?" He asked.

"Yeah, why would I not go?" I asked.

"I just didn't know if it would be too hard for you." He said simply, I felt a burn of anger but suppressed the urge to scream at him and tell him that I was perfectly capable of going to my dead sisters funeral, but he was right. I had considered not going, but it was never a serious consideration. "You alright?" He asked, seeing that I was quiet.

"Yeah, just not looking forward to the funeral tomorrow." I whispered. "And I'm sure that you understand." I saw his slight smile turn into a frown.

"Yeah." He said softly. "I really miss her." He added. "She was the first person I ever loved in that way, you know?" He asked.

"Yeah, I get what you mean." I nodded.

"And now that she's gone, I just don't know what I'm supposed to do." His voice cracked. "I have you and Wanda, and I'm sure everyone else cares too, but I mean, she was my everything." My lip quivered and I felt my eyes flood with tears.

"Yeah." I whispered. "I loved her so much." We lightly smiled at each other and then continued to do our own thing.

"Hey guys." Steve walked into the room and poured himself a cup of coffee. I felt an angry burning sensation in my stomach, telling me that Kates death was all his fault, but I knew it wasn't. "You alright?" He asked us.

"Yeah." Pietro and I said at the same time.

"Look guys, I'm sorry. I tried my best to save her, I really did." He said quietly.

"I know, it's ok." I said to him. "I don't blame you. Sometimes things happen." I saw his eyes light up happily, and he smiled. I knew that look, it was the look Kate gave me when she saw that I was making progress towards being happy and back to normal. It made me happy for a moment, but then my heart sank again, realizing that I'll never see that look from Kate ever again.

"Well, thank you." He gave me a proud smile and patted me on the shoulder, taking his coffee and walking out of the room. I sniffed and sat down at the table, leaning back in the chair and sighing, I drummed my fingers on the table as I zoned out.

"Earth to Ivy." I zoned back in when I saw Yelena's hand waving in front of my face.

"Oh hi." I turned to her and smiled, she smiled back and sat down next to me. "Did Pietro leave?" I asked her.

"Yeah, he said he just wanted to be alone for a little bit." She said quietly. "Steve told me about what you said to him. He said he's proud of you for making progress, he says you've evolved a lot over the last five months." She said, smiling sadly, seeing that my eyes were watery.

"Yeah." I whispered. "But I wouldn't be here without Kate. And I almost wish that she never brought me here, and that she never met you guys."

"What do you mean?" Yelena asked.

"Because if she hadn't met you guys, she would still be alive." I replied, looking at her sadly with a frown, waiting for her to respond. I saw Yelena's small smile fall and I looked away guiltily.

"That's one way to look at it." She replied after what felt like an eternity.

"Yeah." I breathed out. "I don't regret anything that happened, but I just wish that they had better outcomes."

"Everything gonna-"

"Be ok, I know. I've heard that a million times the past couple days. I replay that to myself over and over again in my head. But I just can't seem to believe it." I looked back at her and saw her gazing at me intently, waiting for what I had to say. "If I was there, I could've saved her. I should've tried harder for her to stay." I whispered.

"No, you can't blame yourself for this!" Yelena exclaimed. "It's not your fault that she's gone! Just sometimes things happen and it hurts like hell but you were not the reason she's dead." I bit my tongue and nodded.

"I loved her so much." I choked out. "And she's gone, I can never thank her for everything she's done for me."

"She knows." Yelena said.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"She talked about you all the time; Ivy. She loved you so much and knew you better than you knew yourself. She knew." Yelena promised me. "She was so happy when we said that she could bring you as a recruit too." I smiled. "You were her life, for fifteen years. Then you became a part of her new one."

"But-"

"It's going to be ok, I promise."