Heartless

23

"I'm just saying that maybe you should think about how your actions would effect others. Especially Kate." He said, staring at me angrily.

"You think I haven't thought about how I may have hurt her? How fucking rude I've been to her for the past fifteen years?" I whispered loudly, he looked scared now. "Do you seriously think I've never thought about that?" I yelled. "The reason I killed John was because he made a move to kill Kate!" I grabbed a glass and threw it at the wall. "I would fucking die to protect her! And everyone here keeps reminding me of my trauma everyday like it's an everyday thing, and I'm so fucking tired of it! And I hate being reminded of that everyday, so please get the fuck out before I do something stupid!" I screamed, tears streaming down my face. "GET THE FUCK OUT!" I screamed as loud as I could and Clint had to cover his ears before he rushed out of the room.

"What is happening?" Tony rushed into the room and crouched down next to me when he saw me down on my knees on the floor. "Ivy, what is happening?" He asked me.

"Clint basically said I was a reckless monster and said I should think before I acted or Kate would end up dying. And I got really mad."

"Ok, Ivy. I get that you're mad, or sad, or whatever-"

"What is all that noise, why the fuck is there glass on the floor?" Yelena asked, she rushed over to me when she saw me down on the ground.

"Ivy I know that you have trauma from witnessing your dad die, and I get that you don't want to talk about it. But you're not the only one that has lost someone." Tony whispered. "And I know that it's painful and that you really miss him, but there are people here that you can talk to about it that have gone through the same thing. Like me, for example." He added.

"Well I obviously know that. But that dick, Clint." I scoffed.

"Yeah, yeah I get it. He can be a real pain in the ass sometimes." He said, Yelena was rubbing my back and holding me close to her.

"He said that it was a mistake that you recruited me onto the team and basically said that if something happened that was bad I would do something reckless." I whispered.

"Well yeah, but that's not true. You have control over yourself." Yelena tried to comfort me.

"No, it is true." I said.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"You know I'm impulsive. And when Clint made me mad I really wanted to do something stupid." I said quietly.

"What did you want to do?" Tony asked. "Did you want to kill him?"

"No, but he made me angry and I wanted to hurt him." I said through clenched teeth. "So badly, and I told him to get out before I did anything stupid."

"Well...I can't lie, that's not normal." Tony said, Yelena kept her arms around me and listened to my every word.

"I know it's not normal. But, he called me a monster. I told him that, even monsters have nightmares too." Tony and Yelena nodded along.

"You're not a monster sweetheart." Yelena whispered, kissing my cheek.

"But what if I am?"

"You're not, you're just a bit...messed up." Tony said, Yelena rolled her eyes and squeezed my shoulder.

"Well, what if I am? And what if I'm fine with it?" I asked. "Clint brought up bad things I've done. I've wiped out an entire bloodline, and blew up a nightclub bathroom with a guy in it. And he said that I did bad things just to have a story to tell." I whispered.

"But you didn't do it for the story." Yelena said. Tony was just staring at me, waiting to talk again.

"I know I didn't, but I didn't have a problem doing it." I said.

"What do you mean?" Tony asked.

"I don't care if I do bad things to people." I whispered. "I mean I wouldn't just do it randomly, or for fun."

"Well then that's the difference." Tony said. "Hey, look at me kid." I looked him in the eye. "You may be fine with hurting people, and that may not be normal. But you only hurt people if they do something to hurt you or someone you love." He whispered, I saw tears coming out of his eyes.

"Why are you crying?" I asked him, reaching for Yelena's hand, she took my hand gladly and squeezed it.

"You just...just come here kid." I let god of Yelena's hand and he pulled me in for a hug. "You're not a monster, you're just a little broken. But we all are, and that's what makes us human." He whispered in my ear. We let go after a few minutes and then I leaned back into Yelena's arms.

"Let's go back to bed sweetheart, it'll all be ok in the morning, I promise."