Heartless

4

I was drunk, like really drunk. It was four hours after Yelena had fucked me, then left a few minutes later. "Ivy, you shouldn't be drinking this much." Kate said worriedly, I shrugged my shoulders.

"I'm sorry sister, but sometimes you just gotta drink the pain away." I laughed and lied down on her bed.

"What do you mean, drink away the pain? What happened?" I laughed at her question, I put my arms out and then slapped myself on the chest really hard, wincing.

"Honestly, I don't even know. You know Yelena?" I asked her.

"Of course I know Yelena."

"Well she kinda fucked me earlier today and then she said something, that I can't remember. And I felt this like sharp pain in my chest. And I just felt terrible, really really terrible." I said, trying to refill my drink, but Kate stopped me.

"Ivy, that means you care." Kate said, smiling widely.

"What pfft. No." I sat down on the ground. "Just because she's my favorite person to be around, and I love the way she says my name and she makes my stomach do flips. And I wanna kiss her every time I see her. That doesn't mean I care about her!" I said loudly, Kate shook her head.

"Yes it does!"

"La la la la la la!" I put my hands over my ears and rolled around on the floor. "I don't care about her." I said stubbornly.

"Here take this, it'll get rid of the alcohol symptoms." She have me a small pill, I took it, hoping it would make me feel funny, but it didn't, it made me feel better.

"What were we talking about?" I asked her. She opened her mouth to respond but before she could her door opened suddenly.

"Kate I need to talk to you about- oh hi Ivy." Yelena said, I stood up quickly, almost falling down. I walked out of the room quickly. "Ivy!" Yelena called out after me. "Ivy, you better get back here right now, I swear to God." I turned around and walked towards her, angry as hell.

"What are you gonna do? Fuck me and leave me hanging?" I asked her. "Because I don't care." I said, leaning towards her, she smirked.

"I know you don't sweetheart, but remember what I said?" She asked, tilting her head, she shut the door so Kate couldn't hear the conversation. "I said be nicer to me and maybe I'll give you my time." She said while looking at my lips.

"Stop looking there! Look me in they eyes." Her eyes flickered up to my own, and held comfortable eye contact. "You can't keep doing that, stop calling me sweetheart, and babygirl." I said.

"Then what else do I call you?"

"What kind of stupid ass question is that? I have a name!" I exclaimed, Yelena leaned in closer. "Please stop doing that." I pleaded. "If it means nothing to you then stop." I told her.

"Does that mean it means something to you?" She asked, looking back down at my lips. I didn't answer. "See Ivy, you're not actually heartless. You just don't let people see it." I bit my tongue.

"No." I said simply.

"Yes. Let yourself care about someone, let yourself care about me." She pointed at herself with tears in her eyes, I frowned.

"Why do you care if I care about you or not?" I asked her defensively.

"Because I might be the only person here who actually thinks you're worth having a conversation with." My mouth opened and I backed away from her.

"People...they don't like, everyone else doesn't like me?" I asked her, she shook her head.

"You have done nothing but be rude to them, why should they?" She asked me, I relaxed, hearing her voice. But I quickly tensed back up.

"Well that's good, they should keep their distance." I whispered, Yelena shook her head.

"No, let yourself care." She asked. "Please." She was on the verge of tears.

"Why do you care about me so much? I don't give a shit about you." As the words left my mouth, I knew they weren't true and I knew that they were just cruel to say. A tear fell down Yelena's cheek. "You know what, I may be many things, but I'm not a liar." I said as I felt another sharp ache in my chest. "I do care about you Yelena." I gave her a soft smile. "But that's why I can't talk to you anymore. I can't care about you." I finished. She wiped the tears off of her face.

"I'm not letting you leave sweetheart." She said, my mouth dropped open as I tried to respond, but no words came.

"Ok." Was all I managed to say, I followed Yelena back to our room and I lied down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "You can't tell anyone I said that." I said.

"Yes I can, and I will, to get them to believe you actually have feelings." She said, getting a glass of water, handing it to me.

"I don't want water."

"But you need water, you've been drinking all day. Drink it." She stared at me sternly and watched me drink the water. "I want you to tell me about what's been going on, Ivy."

"I prefer sweetheart." I said with a smile.

"I'll call you that after you tell me about yourself, so, Ivy. Tell me what's been going on?" She asked me.

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"Kate texted me to tell me that you were drinking the pain away, at least that's what you said." She tilted her head. I laughed and threw my head back.

"I didn't know what I was saying, I was drunk." I said defensively.

"Drunk words are sober thoughts." She said, her hand brushed against mine and I felt a spark throughout my body.

"I don't feel like talking anymore." I told her, she sighed.

"I'm staying with you though." I nodded. "Until you tell me what's going on." She added.

"Why do you think I would tell you that?" I asked her.

"Because you need to talk to someone." She put her hand over mine and caressed my hand with her thumb. I calmed down and looked into her eyes.

"Ok."