Those Ocean Eyes and That Charming Smile

132

It's always the exact same dream I've been having for the past week which is ever since I've arrived in Louisiana. It's the same exact dream just in different scenarios, wounds, deaths, sceneries, the whole nine yards and it has completely plagued my mind for whatever reason with the fear and leaves me petrified whenever I am sucked back into what seems like reality because of how real it feels and it's the worst nightmare I could receive. A nightmare that kills me even though I'm not the one getting hurt. It always starts out randomly and ends the same way, on a battlefield, in the cafe, or even at home where I always feel the safest.

Bucky and I are always together and having a good time on our date or dancing and even having sex. It all seems like a picture perfect dream right? But, this is a nightmare. Nothing good ever happens in nightmares and only pain and misery spiral from the grappling hooks that sink deep into my back to pull me away from consciousness to save myself so I am forced to watch everything. It's like someone is holding my eyelids open as I am having the happiness ripped from my frail hands that I thought were strong as my fingers are covered in blood that hover over the blue eyes that turn dark and cold. Completely lifeless.

"Aunt Y/n?" Aj whispers

"Y/n?" Cass speaks. "Should we wake her up?" He suggests

"No!" He immediately shuts that down. "Mom specifically told us not to do that. We can't touch her or wake her up."

"She looks like she's in pain!" He defends

"It's a nightmare, Cass." He sighs

A nightmare. Something that only few people deal with once in a while and everyone experiences at least once but me? I get them every night when I'm away from him and every lonely hour turns the thoughts darker and darker and darker with no way of escaping as I reach around for anything to hold onto and pull me out of the Hellhole of my own mind but all my hands swat at is the grief thickened air that doesn't cool down my agony burning in my chest. It was any other mission that had us fighting against mutants or people trying to kill The Avengers or create complete chaos for no reason just to try and spread their villain story and gain praise for their 'good deed' meaning the innocent lives they willingly took.

"She's jerking." Cass points out

"She said she does that." Aj reassures

Just as the mission ends, there is always a sudden turning point like in every nightmare I've had for the past week and it still catches me off guard even though I know what is going to happen every time. Happiness turns into torment and I'm left with a hole in my chest I can't seem to fill no matter how hard I'm holding on and I'm barely hanging on when I look down at my hands that shake with the weight of pain stacking on my shoulders. There I stand, watching Bucky fall to his knees after a knife was plunged into the center of his stomach by the sick, deranged person who laughs and smiles at my love looking down at his stomach confused and almost wondering why there is blood pooling out of his abdomen at a rapid pace.

"Aj, she's grunting." Cass starts to worry

"It'll pass. We just have to wait." Aj stops him

My feet seem glued to the grass and I grunt when I try to pull my foot from the invisible cemented quicksand that dried around the bottom of my shoe before I cry out in frustration at the binds holding me away from helping him. I swing my arms to push the momentum but I can't run forward to help him when he gives me one last look and falls on the ground face first into the dirt he blows away with one final deep breath. I flex every muscle and use every ounce of magic I can to free my feet from the grass that is keeping me from saving him. I reach my hand out that dims with healing magic and itching painfully, almost burning my skin with how it yearns to fill his bloodstream and fix every broken bone, torn piece of skin, and lost blood cells that paints the grass red.