Those Ocean Eyes and That Charming Smile

178

I never ate or left my room.

I never answered the worried knocks given by Tony, Clint, Natasha, Steve, and Bucky.

Oh, Bucky.

I couldn't bear facing them with all of my memories back simply because I don't even know how it is possible and I don't feel like sitting down and having Bruce wire my scalp up to see my brain activity. So, I stayed in my room all night to look through every photo, letter, and sentimental objects I have received over the years. I looked at every video, message, camera, and flash drive that has my whole life it seems like locked away in a bit of plastic.

Every memory uncovered in those boxes of tumbled memories in my head before they started slowly filling the transparency and setting them back on the shelves for them to turn opaque the more and more I dug. It took my mind for a wild ride to the point I fell asleep on all of the memories surrounding me with Bucky's dog tags still around my neck and I refuse to take them off again. I will never take them off again unless it's for him to clean them and only he will be allowed to touch them. I don't trust them with anyone else but him.

Not even myself.

When I did wake up again, it was in the middle of the night where I groan at my muscles finally moving after hours and hours of being locked in the same position. I hold my head that has calmed down a little and check my phone to see that it's around three, almost four in the morning and my stomach is grumbling. With a hand on my empty stomach, I start to stand myself up and pull one of my larger gray crewnecks on and a pair of black sweatpants before I walk out of my room, feeling weird about the whole situation as I press the button to the elevator, waiting for the doors to open and when they do, I step in before momentarily stopping when another door down the hall creaks open

"Hm?" I hum but don't have enough time to count the doors to see who it is and I don't care either way when I step in and let the lift drop me to the kitchen where my snack is quick with a simple packet of PopTarts that I found in the pantry and a small apple juice to take up to the roof with me

I see the black sock of a foot on the stairs when I enter the elevator once more and I rule out Natasha following me since she doesn't have that big of a foot. In the elevator, I crack the seal on the juice and take a few sips then open the s'mores PopTart on my way out of the lift and into the semi cold night. I take a look at the stars and breathe deep through the crumbly pastry in my mouth as I walk out to sit on the edge of the building like I do whenever I feel upset, need a minute, or to appreciate the sun that either falls or raises depending on how early I wake up and if we don't have a mission.

I hate missions.

It takes a few minutes too but eventually, the back door of the helipad opens up and closes a second later where light footsteps make their way over to me and stop a little ways away before Bucky sits down on the ground and waits for either me to speak or make a move which I do by setting my apple juice down along with my snack and press my hands into the pavement to scoot back so I line up with him and we both simultaneously lay down on the ground to look up at more of the stars.

"Two years ago today, you asked me to be your best girl." I speak and Bucky's head snaps over to look at me. "And two weeks before that, I bumped into you at a cafe. Barron's Cafe." I say and keep my eyes towards the sky because if I look at him, I'll cry all over again

"I did." Bucky nods with an emotional cracking voice that makes me frown when I almost break down but I keep my voice strong. "You did."

"We barely knew each other but spent all of our time together, getting to know our delicate minds as we went on dates and danced. Had tons of sex- I mean, Jesus Christ, Bucky." I smile a small laugh and force my eyes to drift over to his where I surprise myself when I don't cry. "I remember walking into the training room on the day of The Avengers Program and you were so angry when I got in line after you thought Steve invited me to watch." I chuckle a little