Those Ocean Eyes and That Charming Smile

149

Bucky Barnes

Experience.

Everyone has some when it comes to walking across this Earth. Every road is a different path and some may say that you will always get to choose which path your feet walk across but for the unfortunate like me, that was never an option. Life is like a clean slate to many. You can mold your life how you want it. Your own personal putty to shape and rebuild how your life can go. My putty you ask? Oh... well, that was thrown in the dirt to collect every stick and twig it could manage to find. Can't forget about it being stepped on in the rain, those were the best fucking times. Sense the sarcasm? But, I have to admit, there was a small point in time where- for over a year, my putty was washed off, cleaned with soap, and picked clean of any stick and pebble that was embedded into it but in one moment, it was thrown in a dirt pile and pushed to the very bottom in less than a second.

The second I could've taken to save you.

But, I couldn't.

Nobody spoke on the ride home except for Peter who was crying and sobbing in Natasha's arms while I was held down by Steve because I threatened to jump from this jet and go save you like you did with our Pete but there were too many low life pieces of shit surrounding your unconscious body after the asshole whose face I will always remember, smacked you with the stock of his gun. All that could be heard in the jet aside from the heartbreak of our kid was the stupid piece of metal attached to my left shoulder that never shuts up and the squeaking of the tires from the the jet hitting the helipad after Stark can't fly a fucking plane to save his life even though he designed it.

"Come on, Buck." Steve pats my shoulder and I shrug it harshly to get away from him

"No, you can't call me that." I shake my head and stand up while Steve looks at me funny

"Why not?" He asks and lets his offended feelings slip through and into his tone since he has called me that from the moment we became friends and now, I am telling him he can't

"Because that's what she called me." I whisper through my gritted teeth. "Now, don't fucking call me that again." I demand in his face and leave

"Look, we're gonna get her back." He runs after me after I stomp down the ramp while rolling my eyes

"This isn't your everyday kidnapping where a white van pulls up and the police send out a fucking Amber Alert and find her the next day, Steve." I snap and keep my eyes on the door that I rip open when I am close enough. "She's fucking gone. Do you understand? I-" I swallow thickly and press my lips together

"She not gone, Bucky." He catches the door to prevent it from shattering which I would've personally liked to see but, I can't win them all

Obviously.

"I let her in... I don't let people in, Steve, and I did with her and they took her!" I raise my voice when I turn to him. "They took her and broken me which is exactly what he wanted. He knew I would self destruct if I lived without her so that is why he went after her and not me!" I slap my chest hard in motion to myself. "She's under HYDRA's control now which means at any day, she will be out there, creating more nightmares for herself or she will die." I give up completely

"You're not thinking right." He still denies and it is only angering me further aside from him following me to the office so I can tap into your bracelet before they take it off of you. "You're acting like she's already dead." He sighs

"Because she is!" I shout after the top to my feelings blows off completely and I stop my walk to look at his calm face with my angered one. "When he says those fucking words you haven't fucking healed from, you're fucking gone! At that point, you are a fucking war machine and that's fucking it!" I scream and make the whole hallway go silent. "She sacrificed herself to save our kid but I don't know if she can go through this. My babydoll is not strong enough." I mutter with shuddering breaths of fury