Because Of Her.

34 | She is lying to you!

I walk towards the art building, my steps heavy but slow. The class is going to commence in like five minutes but I don't have in me to go there and attend. Alan hasn't picked my calls yet and I don't know if he is going to be in the class.

The reason I don't want to go in the class is not due to Alan only but also due to the fact that I have to see the happy faces of the students who have done their best in the assignment. Now that the submission is over they are going to talk about each other paintings, their opinions which didn't come out yesterday due to Professor Claire—will be out on the table and I am afraid to hear what people going to say about ours. I am sure some of them already talked enough but sometimes some people reserve it till they see the faces they want to criticize about.

I am almost near to my class but I halt and take few steps back before turning my back to it.

I can't do this, at least not right now.

I know I am cowering away, I am running away from the thing which I don't even know will going to happen or not but if it's happening there right now—I am better off. I have heard enough, way too much in the past regarding all that drama Liam caused and framed me for it. Only I know how I survived. The harsh and brutal comments are sometimes downright suffocating that it's better to not be around it when you are already dealing enough of the suffocation.

I know right now Alan is safe, if people are talking I am sure no one is going to get him into it because he is the victim of bad partner. The partner who has history of destroying arts because she can't seems to digest the fact that someone can do better than her. This is the comment that was made yesterday and the one which hit right home was—

She is so basic all she does is stick to one art form. I never seen variation. It's always mountains, clouds, river like there's already enough paintings on nature pick your own style.

That boy whoever said that was right I do stick to only one thing. Nature. That's always my comfort zone and I am on it ever since I can paint or draw. I am no good at making human figures or random objects which is why I started doing sketching to have some variation but I am failing miserably. With Alan I did try my best to explore other style and I was so happy with the result but the happiness was short lasted.

Art is my therapy but making nature is like going to my happy place. When I paint what is around me and the scenes which are yet to capture from my eyes gives me hope, a sense of relaxation that better things are out there hidden, known only by few, seen only by the lucky ones and even though you don't have the opportunity to witness it, you have the tool to create it.

But from quite some time I doubt on all which is used to be better.

Painting nature doesn't feel like it used too and capturing it with my eyes doesn't give me the rush of how lucky I am to be witnessing as small as a tree swaying with wind. Before I used to just sit and draw what I used to see around me but now I move past it without giving it the second thought. I want to find out what is happening with me but at the same time I don't because I am kind of used to living like this— empty soul who doesn't care about anything.

Because if I do care then it starts to matter and that means it's going to leave eventually, leaving me hopeless.

I refuse to attend the class today and instead walk outside the building, I feel like I am ditching Alan there, leaving him to answer the questions on—was it really the abstract painting as you called it or it's just your partner trying to hold brush? I don't know whether he is going to defend me or complain about how I ruin the most awaiting day of his life into a disaster. I don't want to know but I do hope he badmouth about me because I deserve it. I deserve it when I told him Liam would never do it.