Because Of Her.

55 | Haze.

Hey guys!! I'm back from dead. It feels good and so out of my league lol. Because before this long break I used to write a hell alot of it but writing these two chapters was a struggle as I needed to get back into my story which is weird to work on since it's my story. But yeah I'll try hard to get it back. I think I am satisfied with this chapter which is why I uploaded it. Hope you like it.

P.S : There's going to be alot of POV switching. So keep up.

Also 5sos just uploaded their fifth album and I am literally drowing my ears with their songs. THEY'RE SO FUCKING AMAZING!!! If anyone of you is a fan of the band. You'll get my title inspiration. ᕙ⁠(⁠ ͡⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ⁠ ͡⁠°⁠)⁠ᕗ

For this chapter I was listening to RED LINE and I think it suits Liam and Evanna situation / emotions/ feelings.

L I A M

My body breaks in sweat and I feel like I am going to drag in my own darkness. I feel the pain of that day in my whole body as if it's happening to me right now. I reach out and close the book before shutting my own eyes and put my head down on table. Shiver runs down my own body and I am so glad Rose is not at her right set of mind to be able to feel me when she is herself shivering.

I roll my lips inside my mouth and beg my pathetic self to not send me into any abyss not when I am with her. I can't deal with this shit right now; I am okay to be relapsing in that shithole but only when no one can see me. I am not going to terrify her but myself too if she finds out how much of a weak and worthless person I am.

How much I am trapped into a box and living inside it for past twenty years consumed by my own unworthiness and stupidity.

I am still a stupid boy.

"Distract me Liam, I can't stop thinking about it." She whimpers and I hate that sound when it comes like that from her mouth.

I try to push myself from my own head, I am being selfish here. I can't be this self absorbed when she needs me but I can't do anything not when I am myself trying hard to distract from my own darkness.

I bring my hand over her hairs and try to speak, drawling my words so I don't choke. "I am here to hear you, say whatever you want to say. Don't distract from it otherwise it'll hurt you more when you're going to be alone."

She snucks a sharp breath before turning on my lap while my eyes are still shut trying hard to fight my own pain. Feeling my lungs caving in due to how pressed up I feel everywhere.

"I hate Amir! Assef and his friends were certified bastards but...Amir. He was supposed to be Hassan's friend. I wish something bad happen to him. Young or not I don't care...Hassan didn't care when he used that slingshot to safe Amir but he...he should've raised his voice that time and didn't have to hide behind like a coward —none of that would've happened. Poor Hassan didn't have to bear such a fate. I hate Amir!" She speaks with full of hatred while trying not to choke on her words due to her hoarse voice.

"Good didn't happen with him either." I murmur continue to talk to her while I fight from my own thoughts.

"You mean..." Her breath falters.

"No, not that something different happened to him." My voice becomes almost deaf to my own ears and I squeeze my eyes more, feeling my windpipe closing up.

I feel her shift on my lap and sudden touch on my neck, around my chain that dangles right down to her. I quickly open my eyes almost in startle and relax when I see her absentmindedly tracing the round of the black tshirt I am wearing while her other finger toys with the thin silver chain.