Because Of Her.

38 | I was never into her.

I aimlessly move my hand until it touches the mirror wall and I take the support from it. My heart is erratic as I try to process what just happened. One minute Liam was cornering me and then I get cornered with those feelings he used to bring alongside of him.

When you were one step away from moaning in relief the minute I touched you.

I can't even begin to think how much I hate myself right now for even getting him into my head like that. When he touched me like that, looked at me like that I always gets weak, too out of my mind and he knows it. He freaking knows it which is why he did exactly that.

I know it must have been some sort of test in his twisted mind he done on me, to see what my reaction is going to be with him being close. I am sure he wanted to see if I'll react like I used too and I failed the test because that's how I reacted. Although I didn't react in exact way but as he said I didn't push him either.

He was right about it. I didn't push him and I am so disappointed in myself for not maintaining the needed distance. I let him play me again in the way, for his fun. He got his fun seeing the reaction of my paralyzed brain who couldn't even utter a single word when he was breathing down my neck.

My eyes shift to the mirror on my side and I gulp seeing the flush on my cheeks, and my pupils that are slightly getting back to normal.

Who could have guessed you are into watching yourself shit.

I still remember the rasp, the hoarseness from which he said those words. The way my chest heaved when he pressed his forehead against my temple. Just by remembering all that I can see the sudden change in me and I quickly shake my head before looking away from the mirror.

I grab the dresses from the floor and notice one of them—the side of it having Liam's dirty converse imprint. My heart thuds in my chest instantly and I feel myself hyperventilating as I think what is going to happen now.

I immediately flip the dress to see the price and now I am sure I am having a stroke due to how dangerously my heart knocks down my ribcage.

$103

I breathe through my mouth frequently so I don't choke, my sweaty hands shakes as I try to remove the dirt but it's like it's printed—stamped on it.

I don't realize that I am crying in fear until my vision blurs. I quickly sniff and stand up, taking out my phone. I flip it and remove the cover, taking the money out from it. I start counting how much I brought with myself.

The bills slip through my shaky hands and I sit down on floor as I start counting it. "No. Please no." I murmur as I see I only have $70 dollars and some cents.

I again start counting hoping I miscalculated but no avail. I remain on the same amount I brought with me. I only had Audrey's gift in my head so I bring the money according to it. I narrowed down to approx—fifty dollars that I will allow myself to extend if necessary when in reality I was hoping to find much cheaper than that. The extra twenty dollars were for emergency and I never thought I would have this kind of emergency.

I groan as I try to remove the stain but like the stubborn mark it remains intact. I wipe my face and tug my hairs through my hands before looking in the small trial room to find something that can help me but all I see reflection of mine holding the now defective dress.

Is it noticeable? If I leave it back to the hanger will it show till we get out from this shop? What will happen if they find out after we depart? Will they check the security camera and find me through it? The thoughts are wild in my head and I know I don't have guts to just leave the dress like that.