Because Of Her.

40 | You're a boomer.

HEY!!! You guys. Upload this chapter in less than three days because you guys are so cute. Also on top I attached the trailer, I was bored on Sunday so I made one. I've already attached it in the beginning chapter of this book. So if you can't watch it in here you can watch there. I add it in here so you active / current readers don't have to go back.

PS : Highly suggest to watch it. 

L I A M 

It's fucking annoying how human emotions works.

It's really frustrating when you feel more than too put it in language to express the profound state you're in. As far as I can remember my emotions never made sense to me. It was always a labyrinth for me, each time I felt like I find the end—A new path leads me to more confusing try at. Because of that I often feel two constant emotions in my life.

Sadness and anger.

Sadness is something that was not a temporary fix for me, it seems I was never able to understand anything but that, in addition, to sadness my other was anger. Anger that till now is my coping surviving mechanism. Both of the emotions made me into a person I am.

A person who is just floating into the make shift world around him.

I felt different for the first time, few months back where I got to experience happiness, pounding of heart not due to anxiety—due to someone presence. But now even that person makes my heart pound but in anger.

Anger of—that she can't seem to hear me out when she knows I'm not the one to talk much.

In past few months, she managed to flip my emotions drastically. I have never experienced this kind of fluctuations in my life where one time I am happy, angry, sad, frightened, cheerful, and giddy. She not only made me feel those different emotions but she made possible to reflect those on my face which I couldn't even understand till now.

I had no idea how she did that but I do want to thank and blame her because now that I have experienced those changes. I don't fucking know how to deal with the aftermath.

It's been two fucking days since she found me with that ginger haired blusterer bitch, two days where she attacked me verbally, believed her enemy but not me. Two days since I cornered her on that trial room and still remember the dilated grey pupils and heaving chest that all I could think off.

I know I crossed the limit when I pushed her against the mirror and tasted her skin but I don't fucking know what happened to me. I was always a controlled guy. I could control my urges, hell I could control my damn emotions but when she is in front of me—my self-control crumbles like a croutons.

When I followed her in that trial room I knew she went there to get away from me so I decided to make her listen to me there. Instead it backfired on both of us in a way—since I found out she somewhere still feels about me and it backfired for me because I got to find out she doesn't believe me. I found out no matter what, there's nothing that could make her believe me which is why after that day I refused to run after her.

I am tired of running after her only to hear the absurdity flowing from her mouth, her crazy assumption whose seeds I know I planted yet she is the one who is watering them by judging me from people who shouldn't come in our matter.

I have done my fair share of chasing, begging, apologizing and even repenting on every bad stuffs I did yet her stupid brain doesn't want to at least give me a chance to prove myself.

How come it's so different this time? How come she can't understand me? How come she fucking can't see the obvious situation I am trying to let her see?