Because Of Her.

39 | Let's dance Hudson.

Long–ish chapter. Till now. Enjoy!!!

It's really weird how human emotions work for something or for—someone.

To most people, these feelings are only hunches that are often dissolve before they could even measure the depth of it, but to people who have honed their instincts and learned to elucidate these mental changes are the one who have clearance about their true self.

There are many subtle indications of what a person is thinking or feeling at a given time, we can easily recognized it through our perspective but when it really goes down to what they actually are thinking—is where all our theories, makes us question if what we're doing all along was right or it's just how we perceive because the other one was too good, achieved what we haven't in years.

Because right now I feel like this is what is happening to me, the only difference is there is no other person. There's just me against me.

I always had a better relationship with my emotions, as far as I can think, I never feel like I am struggling to identify the turbulence within me. It was always clear to me. Even if I got stuck somewhere, or on someone I always manage to pull myself out of it without letting half of me disappears in the way.

Although every human being gets stuck in one phase of their life, for someone it's the time when we are struggling to navigate through the big wise world—Our teenage years which often is a struggle for each one of us out there but still somehow we manage to get past from that phase entering into adulthood where life becomes more messy wishing to be back how it was.

It an endless cycle which differs in each individual's life.

Like right now what's happening to me is different compared to few days ago hell even few hours ago.

I was numb to the point that I couldn't even feel anything after I find out Liam did the same thing he did before but this time with Natalie who I hate most. Well I thought she was the person who I used to hate most but now Liam has taken the position, shifting her a bit down to number two and getting the number one position he always so wanted.

Seems like she is winning. I should step up my game, be more bad to you then. You know bad in every way.

Our talk from all those days resurfaces in my mind making me almost chuckle in my head. He really worked so hard to be bad and suffice to say he succeeded.

But then why did I feel what I shouldn't in the trial room?

Memories of that day catch me and I feel a wave of embarrassment due to the way I acted under his touch. I am not embarrassed that I let him come close to me but that I acted and given in the peers, relaxing at the way his warm breath hit right near my ear, my sensitive spot that starts pulsating like crazy when he moves his tongue or plump lips on that particular spot that sends me into a frenzy. Although he didn't touch me like he used to with force that used to leave me wanting more, to tighten that hold until blood rushes in every part of my body in excitement.

This time it was more like a longing, a longing of him that made me weak and let my guards out from the shadow and my vulnerability seeped naked in front of his pleased eyes. He took the chances he so wanted to throw in my face how he still have his effect on me. More so over I hate myself for not keeping myself checked under his tempting fingers.

I ranted a good amount of detail as to why I hate him and why he should leave me but still somehow we always end up in the same place. It's always due to mutual friend, or him doing something that results in the consequences I have to deal, or due to similar phases in life—but I always manage to see him no matter what.

But now that I wanted to see him, he is nowhere to be found.

It's been two days. Two days since that trial room incident where he left me abruptly with words that still shakes me up a bit not because he generated a fear within me or spook me by it but due to how he reminded me the Liam who used to intimidate me, have his ways around me to get what he wanted.