Contrast

31

It's been 5 days since Blake and I kissed, and we've barely spoken.

Of course, I've seen him at practice and in a few classes, but there hasn't been anything other than a few timid glances or a few seconds worth of small talk. 

At first, I thought maybe he was just tired, but after the second day of zero communication between us, I knew it was on purpose. 

There haven't been any teases or arguments, but no friendly conversation either.

I can't help the slight disappointment that surfaces in my emotions when I think about it, but I don't really know what I was expecting. I know that our kiss had the possibility to make things a little awkward, but it's like we've become strangers.

I almost prefer hating each other to this.

It feels like something is missing in me and I know it's not Lucas. 

If anything, I haven't ever felt more free since our breakup. It's a relief to not have someone constantly breathing down my neck. I can even play video games freely now, not having to make up any stupid codes with my friends for when Lucas interrupts me. 

Even though I'm too proud to admit it, deep down, I genuinely miss talking to Blake and I know that is what's missing.

The nights we spent together over the last couple of weeks feel so long ago; so distant now. I never would've thought that not speaking to him would feel so strange. 

Despite obviously missing him, I haven't exactly gone out of my way to speak to him either. 

I promised myself that after Lucas, I will never put someone on a pedestal ever again. If someone wants to talk to me then they can. 

Even if it's Blake, I am not going to beg. 

I can't lie and say that I haven't slept in his hoodie for the past week though. It brings me unexplainable comfort when I'm feeling down or lonely. I know it's sort of pathetic, but I'm only human and will take what I can get. 

I haven't seen or heard from Lucas since Sunday with the exception of a few texts that range from very apologetic and kind to angry and threatening in a matter of minutes. I still haven't told my parents that we broke up either, I've kinda been avoiding it.

My parents wouldn't be angry or upset with me, I'm just simply someone who likes to avoid problems in hopes that they will eventually go away. 

I know it's not the best characteristic to have, but everyone has their flaws. 

I look over at the field in front of me at Noah and Blake who are practicing only 50 feet away from our squad. 

I don't know how it's possible for someone to be so close to you yet feel so far away.

Blake hasn't been looking too good recently I've noticed. From what I can see in class and on the field, the dark purple bags have returned under his bloodshot eyes. He seems spacier than usual, his grumpy front returning too.

I wonder if he ran out of his medicine or something, it seemed to be working well for a couple of days when we were still talking. 

Even though it's only 7 pm, I yawn and turn to Olivia. We agreed to release the girls a little early tonight since we have another game tomorrow and we're all tired. 

Lily and both of her parents are officially coming to the game and I couldn't be happier, it'll be nice to meet her mom. I wonder how it will be for her parents though, them being recently divorced and all.

We've been texting all week about all sorts of things, facetiming a couple of times too. We even had a group Facetime, with the exception of Blake, at Noah's house one night. Her Dad was busy in the bathroom or something and she called us to help her with her math homework.