Contrast

57

Over the last couple of weeks, Blake's house has truly begun to feel like home. Not just for me, but for him as well. He hasn't had a panic attack or a nightmare for a record of 6 days now, and I can already see how much our moving in together has positively impacted every aspect of his life. 

He's happier, well-rested, eating three meals a day, playing amazingly on the field, and even making more friends on the football team outside of Noah. 

Our two Xbox consoles sit side by side on his dresser, including a new tv he bought for me mounted up on the wall, and we've been playing together every single night. 

We've adventured past just Minecraft and enjoy a variety of games now, even playing a few co-op ones where we have to work together to solve puzzles and escape tricky situations. 

Whoever said co-op games are a true tester of the strength of a relationship was right, because we've practically both been on the brink of angry tears when the other person messes something up to hurt our progress in the game. 

I've only returned to my house once when I had to meet with the insurance company to sort out some details regarding claims. After that, Blake and I tackled the task of cleaning up the last pieces of my room together. 

My bed and a few spare pieces of furniture are all that remain in my room now, and we made sure to clear out anything perishable from my kitchen too. Fortunately, I didn't have many material items to begin with, so moving anything necessary to Blake's place wasn't too much of a hassle.

As we tied up the very last trash bag together filled with the remnants of everything Lucas destroyed, a strange feeling washed over me. It was as if for the first time I truly realized that I was officially saying a final goodbye to my old home– a place that used to provide me with such feelings of safety and a place for me to unwind after a long day.

But I've quickly come to realize that home isn't defined by a physical space that contains all my material possessions, but rather, home is simply anywhere that I wake up each and every day with Blake next to me. 

A few days ago, we went shopping to restock some of my essentials. I got a new toothbrush, some new shampoo, my favorite foods, makeup, and even a new phone. Blake had to physically drag me into the Apple store when he suggested buying me one.

The cracked screen had been bothering me for a while, and admittedly, I was relieved to have my phone replaced. But to my annoyance, I had to get a new number due to a sim card transfer issue during the process, next spending over an hour transferring all my old contacts and texting most of them to let them know about my number change. 

Despite being grateful beyond words for everything Blake has done for me these past couple of weeks, I can't help but feel guilty. I try to pay him back with morning breakfasts, cuddles, lots of love, and even blowjobs, but I wish I could buy him everything he'd ever want too, despite him saying he doesn't care about material things.  

He constantly reassures me that even just my presence is enough to make him happy, and the old me would've never believed him, but he is slowly making every one of my insecurities about myself disappear. I never used to believe him when he called me his light or his sunshine, but I am really starting to understand that I do have a place in this world, and that place is simply with him. 

Now with Lucas officially gone from my life, it has felt much more peaceful, but still extremely hectic at times. I haven't heard any updates about his sentencing or if Blake and I will have to show up to court at any point, but I assume I will hear something soon or see Officer Ramirez at one of our games. 

I thought that given today being Sunday Blake and I could finally take a day off from practice and school work to just relax, but he told me last night that he is taking me out on a surprise date today. Luckily, I was still able to sleep in until noon.