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Rafe stayed with me. Even though I feel sick whenever I look at him, I still have so much love for him, so much love that has no where to go. "What do I even do?" I mumbled while fidgeting with my hands. "Accept it. Then we can start planning her funeral." He said while wrapping his arm around me. "I need to sell the house, I can't stay here." I blurted. I'm not sure why but I genuinely cannot and will not stay in this house. "Now?" He asked with a shocked expression. "I need to leave. I need to find JJ. I can't do this, I can't stay here." I mumbled. "Okay, where do you want to go?" He asked while holding me tightly. "Anywhere but here. I just want this to stop hurting." I mumbled into his chest. "I know baby. I know." He said while running his hands through my hair. "We can go to the Bahamas, my family has a house there." Rafe suggested. I don't want to burden him with my problems. How do I even get out of this hole Im in ? "Only if you want to." I honestly don't want to burden him. I'm angry at him, but I don't want to burden him. "Jules, I love you. You're in pain here, I'll do everything I can to take that pain away." He mumbled while placing a kiss on my forehead. Why does he do that? I'm ruining him. I'm the reason he's not talking to Topper or Kai. I just want to crawl out of my skin and burn it. I want the old me back. I wish I came to the Obx, found my brother and took him with me wherever it was we need to run off to. I hate myself here. I'm not me.
"Jules?" He asked after I stopped replying. "You can leave now. I don't want to burden you anymore, I've ruined everything for you. Please don't feel like you have to stay, I will be okay." I said while looking up to meet his eyes. "I don't want to leave you." He said with a confused expression. "What did I do wrong? Why did you cheat?" I asked while pulling my knees up to my chest . "You didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't you, Jules I think I was drugged." He mumbled. "Why didn't you tell me when I first asked? I'm giving you the chance to leave me and not come back and you don't want to take it?" I asked. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. I don't want to leave you, I don't think I could leave you." He mumbled. Rafe ended up holding me in his arms while I sobbed until I passed out. I know I'm burdening him. Why do I have to be such a problem?
________ Rafe's POV:
When I saw Jules open that door, Ive never seen someone look so lost and hopeless. I just wanted to hold her and never let her go. I know I fucked up, but I love her more than anything. She's all I have. Seeing her beautiful blue eyes so bloodshot and dry from crying honestly made my heart hurt. She seemed to have lost her glow, she looked duller, like less alive. I will try and try to repair her trust in me, I will do anything to make her feel better. Even if it means going to the Bahamas. Not that I mind though, the Bahamas house is beautiful, but it'll feel so strange without my family there. Well I don't even know if I can count Ward as family anymore, he took the gold from the pogues and although I don't like them too much, Jules loves them and why is he robbing teenagers. I don't know it's just weird to me.
Jules fell asleep in my arms and I decided I'd text our pilot so he can take us to the Bahamas. Gavin, our pilot texted back pretty quick and told me that Ward took the plane but we still have the jet. Obviously I don't care but I wonder where Wheezie is. I hope him and his gremlin wife stay wherever they are but I want to see Wheezie again.
A couple of hours later of me just mindlessly scrolling through my phone Jules woke up. "I need to plan." She mumbled. She looked so beautiful, her eyelashes fluttering as she woke up and her sleepy voice. I just wish I could take away all her pain. "I'll help." I said while running my hand through her hair. "You don't have to do that." She said while looking up at me. "I want to." I mumbled.
Many hours and many phone calls later, we had her funeral planned. Which was extremely hard on Jules. Jules had to call some of their friends in LA and explain that her mother died. Most are flying out tonight to be there for her funeral. Her funeral is in two days and I know Jules is stressed. "What do I even do? I've never had to plan a funeral before. I don't know who to call and her assets what do I even do with them?" She groaned while dropping her head into her hands. "I'm pretty sure you and JJ are the ones who will inherit everything." I said while trying to calm her down. "But I don't know where JJ is." She mumbled. "We'll find him. I promise you we will." I said while holding her hand. "Okay." She nodded. "I think we should go to the Bahamas after the funeral." I said while wrapping my arm around her waist. "are you sure?" She asked . "We have nothing left here. Why not go over there for a few days?" "Okay." She hummed.
I was stood in her kitchen, making us food while Jules was in the shower. I opened the window so I wasn't killing myself with the steam from the pasta, I had just turned around and when I turned back, a small grey cat was sat on the counter. I was getting ready to put him outside when I remembered Jules catnapped him yesterday. "Jules?" I called out from the bottom of the stairs. "Yeah?" She shouted down from her room. "Someone came back." I shouted while picking the cat up. "Who?" She shouted down. "The cat." I said while inspecting him. "Pickles??" She shouted. A few minutes later she came running down the stairs with a tank top and fluffy shorts on, her hair was still sopping wet but she didn't seem to care. "Oh my god! I knew he'd come back." She said while reaching down and scooping him up. "We should have some sort of ham or tuna." She mumbled while searching through her refrigerator. I saw her smile as she pulled out a pack of ham. "Are you going to give him that whole pack?" I asked while trying not to laugh. "He's a growing boy, he needs it." She shrugged while giving him some ham. I don't really like cats, but I'm glad something is making her smile. I remember how upset I was when my mom died, and how hard it was to try and comfort Sarah. I just wish I could take all her pain away. "Wheezie's school starts back tomorrow, you think they'll come home ?" I asked while taking out some plates. "I hope so." She flashed me a sad smile before returning to the grey ball of fluff on her lap.
We sat down and ate, I could see that Jules was hesitant about eating but gave in and ate. It physically hurts me to see her so sad and lost.
