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"Are you gonna eat?" He asked while pointing to the plate before me. "As appetising as that looks, I'm feeling really sick. I'm sorry." I lied while taking a sip of my water. "Jules.." Rafe said in a warning tone. I'm 19 years old, I'm not going to listen to him tell me what I have to eat.. "No, I'm being serious I actually do feel sick." I lied. The food he made does look amazing. I love carbonara but it's full of calories. Calories I don't need. Honestly I think the last time I ate carbonara was when I was 17. "Mhm. Okay." He mumbled while nodding. "I'm sorry. It smells amazing though." I said while kissing his cheek.
"We're still going to the Bahamas tomorrow, so make sure you pack something you can swim in." He said casually while cleaning up the dishes in the kitchen . I know I can't hide the cuts on my thighs if I'm in a bikini.. "I can't swim." I lied. "Why?" He asked while looking down at me. "I'm on my period." I lied. "You only had your period?" He said with a confused expression. "Sometimes it comes back twice in a month." I lie, feeling slightly guilty as he thinks. "We can sunbathe, or I'll get you some tampons." He said while finishing off with the dishes. "No. It's okay, I'd rather you have fun anyway." I shrug trying to change the subject. "Jules.." Rafe said in a warning tone. Oh yeah, sorry! I would love to go swimming, it's just I played fruit ninja on my thighs! Thank you so much for the invite though! "What?" I replied while avoiding eye contact, if he makes me look at his pretty blue eyes I will fold so bad and tell him everything.. "Don't lie to me.." he murmured in my ear while wrapping his arms around me, pulling me backwards to meet his waist. "I'm not lying." I protested while trying to turn to face him. Rafe didn't give over and held me in place. "Liar." He mumbled in my ear. "Rafe, seriously I'm not lying." I said in the most confident tone I could muster. "I will find out, you know I will." He whispered against my ear before dropping his head down just below my ear and biting before sucking and then finally kissing it. He knows I love when he kisses my neck.. maybe he thinks that'll make me tell the truth. I don't want to hurt him with my lies but I don't want him to know. "There's nothing to find out." I mumble while trying to stop the yelp that so desperately wants to escape my lips as he continues the biting, sucking and kissing down my neck.. "Mhm.. so why's your pulse so fast?" He said while kissing my neck. "Because you're kissing my neck.." I mumbled. "Liar." He whispered in my ear. "Rafe." I whine. "I'm not lying!" I defend myself. "Alright, well go pack." He said before pulling away. The worst part is I told him I'm on my period, and he left me feeling so needy.. "That was so unfair." I mumble while storming off upstairs. I can hear Rafe laughing but I don't find it funny at all..
I open my closet and kick my black dresses from the floor so I can walk in. Upon seeing them, the little barrier of happiness I had felt is now gone. Reality came crashing back down over me. I have no friends, A cheating boyfriend, No brother, No mom.
I am nineteen years old and it feels like my life is already over.
I feel the little thick lair of numbness bubble back up inside of me. It's like a disease, a disease that takes over my body, one minute I was happy, next I'm on the verge of having a meltdown over some black dresses on my closet floor...
I can feel my breathing getting heavier as tears sting behind my eyes. I want to rip them all up. I want to burn my house down to avoid everything belonging to her. I want to run away, change my name, change my appearance and start over. I don't want to do this. I can't do this. I fucking hate myself. My thoughts are spiralling and getting louder but all I can focus on is the black dresses, it's like they're suffocating me.. like they're spreading. Maybe I'm going crazy. Nah crazy people don't know theyre going crazy, do they?? Whatever.
I was finally woken from my thoughts when I heard Rafe entering my room. "Jules?" He called out. If he came in right now.. he'd call a psych ward. "Yeah I'll be out in a minute I'm just trying to pack." I shouted. I'm so thankful he was there. The clothes all seemed to return to their usual state. Inanimate objects.
I grabbed a few bikinis with coverups, mainly skirt coverups along with some night time wear which consisted of expensive dresses and matching two pieces. I packed a few pairs of heels and flats while grabbing some skincare. I decided I'd bring some fake lashes, eyebrow gel, bronzer, lip oil and concealer since we'll be in the sun I doubt I'll even use any of it..
"How long are we going for?" I asked while debating on wether or not I should take my favourite stuffed animal. "I was thinking maybe two weeks. Should be home early October or late September?" He said more as more of a question. "Yeah. That sounds good." I said with a nod. Wether it sounded shit or great I don't care. I need to get out of here.
I was folding some of Rafe's polos since he's a really bad packer when he came behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?" He asked while placing a soft kiss on my neck. "Nothing. Why?" I asked while turning to face him. "You've been off. I understand why you'd be off with me, but I mean in general. Your act is off." He spoke while tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. The way his eyes searched my face, so desperate to find out what's bothering me. It makes me feel so guilty.. "I don't know. I think it's just everything right now. It all feels really heavy." I mumbled while placing my hand on his cheek, admiring his beauty. "I want you to talk to me. I'll never judge you, you know that, right?" He asked as his brows furrowed and a guilty look painting his face. I feel so guilty watching him hurt because of me.. "Of course. I'm just not used to having someone always there to talk about my problems with. I'm sorry if I seem off or weird lately, I just feel different." I mumble while focusing on Rafe's beauty. The way his blue eyes glisten in the moonlight, the way his soft skin feels against mine, the way his rosy, soft lips kiss mine, the way his hair is such a dark blonde you question if it's really blonde, but upon seeing it in the clear sunlight you realise it's very much blonde, everything about him is just perfect. I think I like how he distracts me from my problems, I love how he always knows what to say, or how he always seems to be able to make me feel better. Even when I don't think I can feel better. He's my person.
I changed Jules Maybanks character to Margot Robbie... she's so beautiful you can't blame me.. anyway. I hope you've enjoyed so far, also I'm sorry this has taken such a dark turn! I swear it will get happier. This is all needed for the story. I'm so grateful for everyone who's been reading along, it means so much. I love you all and hopefully I'll upload another chapter by tonight, my WiFi is being slow so I've switched to 5g so sorry if it doesn't upload straight away. ❤️❤️
