I have no motivation. I don't want to do anything.
The things I want to do I no longer feel joy doing them.
Hah.
Why do I feel so alone?
Why do I feel as if no one cares for me.
But they do, but I don't feel like they do?
Today, Jennie woke me up and made me breakfast. She took me out to walk with the dogs and she held my hand tightly.
She gave me a hug.
She told me she loved me, and I believed it.
I felt good when I was with her, but when she had to go to an appointment the happy feeling instantly went away.
I started to worry, I started to think such nasty dark thoughts.
It consumed me to the point where I'm here.. sitting in front of the television.
Waiting for her to come home, I wish she came home.
I want her and I need her.
But I'm a piece of shit.
I don't deserve her do I?
After everything I've done I just think it's unfair.
I'm not worth it for her?
Why do these feelings creep up behind me and attack me like this?
In the most random places, in the most random times.
I don't want to feel like this.
The Lieutenant had curled up on the couch with a thin blanket and a small pillow. She didn't realize she had tears in her eyes and when she was sure no one was home, she let it go.
But she failed to hear Jennie in the kitchen watching over her.
The designer watched the sudden cry, knowing that Jisoo was not okay.
I hate seeing you like this, I wish nothing but happiness for you.
But I know it just doesn't happen like that.
So I'll be by your side, it's what you want.. and need.
I won't go this time, if that's what you're worried about?
I'm here to stay, Jisoo..
The designer knelt down beside Jisoo, she brushed her hair back and pulled the sheets.
The Lieutenant sat up and held Jennie, wanting a hug she got that hug.
The designer held her very tight, shushing her because she knew how hard it was for her.
You hurt so much, oh baby.
I know. I have nothing to worry about, I know how guilty you feel. With the way you show it and how you love me. I have nothing to worry about.
Jisoo, I'm so sorry.
"I promise you better days." Jennie whispered, a lone finger wiping the tears away from her face.
"I-I.."
"I promise. We will get through this together, okay?" Jennie held Jisoo's hand, resting it on top of her baby bump.
Jisoo meekly nodded.
•••
Jennie did everything that night to make Jisoo happy and forget about the shittyness temporarily.
