Loving Sandro Gunner Esquivel

Chapter 38

I caressed my tummy while showering. I am planning to get back to Sandro again today. It's been weeks since our last encounter, at sa loob ng ilang linggo, wala akong natanggap na tawag o text  sa kanya. I tried calling him but I think he changed his number. I mean, who wouldn't after what happened? I am actually hoping for something pero walang dumating. 

I've just been doing nothing but crying these past few weeks, but I started getting back on my feet when I found out that I am pregnant.

I started wrapping my body in a towel, sana lang makita ko ngayon si Sandro sa building nila at makausap. To be honest, the chance is so low, with our last conversation, I do not think he will think rationally of me. Baka hindi na niya ako palapitin sa kanya.

I wiped my tears again as I put on my clothes. Hindi ito ang pangarap kong pamilya. I wanted my son or daughter to have a father. Hindi gagaya sa tulad kong walang kinalakihang ama. But will he accept it?

I have my fears. Takot ako na tanggihan niya ang dinadala ko, sapat na nasaktan ako, I will accept his mocking and insulting words, huwag lang ang pagbubuntis ko.

Bumaba ako ng jeep. I looked at his building at sa pinaka tuktok nito. My tears immediately followed after it, kaagad ko itong pinunasan. Kanina pa ako hindi mapakali sa loob ng jeep. My heart thumped so loud I could hear it ringing into my ears. I unconsciously caressed my tummy as I looked at it, may kasama na ako ngayon kaya dapat kayanin ko. I smiled bitterly at that though. Kaya ko to, kakayanin ko.

Whether he accepts it or not, I will be giving all the love that my baby deserves, pupunan ko ang mga kulang sa kanya. Hindi-hindi siya mamamalimos ng pag-aalaga at pagmamahal. I will love him or her more than I love myself, more than I have loved him. Hinding hindi siya maghahanap dahil ako ang magbibigay sa kanya ng lahat ng kailangan niya. 

Maghihintay ako dito sa kabilang kalsada, hihintayin ko siya. Umupo muna ako sa may waiting shed. He will probably go to work before nine. Malapit lapit na rin. I waited and watched the people enter and exit the building. And as I watched these people with their expensive cars and clothing, it just made me realize how different our way of living was. Ibang-iba talaga ang buhay na kinalakihan niya.

Sa paghihintay ko, nakahawak lang ako sa tiyan ko. It calms me for some reason. 

Just a few minutes and I saw him exiting the building. He was already wearing his suit and was with his two bodyguards, ngayon ko lang siya nakita na may kasamang bodyguards.  Kaagad kong inayos ang sarili ko at nagmamadaling tumawid sa may pedestrian. 

Hawak hawak ko pa ang tiyan ko habang papatawid. I can feel my cold sweats forming in my forehead as I near him.

He is still waiting for his car, kaagad akong naglakad palapit sa kanya pero kaagad akong nakita at linapitan ng mga kasama niyang bodyguards. They both stopped me from approaching him when they saw me nearing him. 

My mouth hangs open as I eyed the bodyguards. Bakit ganito? I looked at him horrifyingly and he is looking at me now too. But he looked at me plainly.

He looked so good in his suit. He looks so fine, too fine to feel like we did not just break up last month. No traces of sadness or anything. Just a cold piercing gaze. Pero unti-unti iyong nabago at napalitan ng galit at pagkairita. Napalunok ako ng malalim, I can feel my eyes getting watery again.

I was just a few metres away from him. Hindi niya pinigil ang bodygurads niya, they continued blocking my view. Why? Just why? Am I a threat to him? Kriminal na rin ba ang tingin niya sa akin? I've shivered just thinking about it. 

"Sandro mag-usap tayo, please!" I pleaded.

Hindi nagbago ang ekspresyon niya. He just looked at me, and I couldn't help but cry.