ShawnMendes entered Wattpad.

162

"I'm sorry that it didn't work out between you and Shawn."

We're sitting on my couch, each of us a coffee in front of us. "I really thought the two of you had a future. I still think that."

Aaliyah looks so sad, that I have to comfort her, no matter how broken I feel at the moment. "It's okay. We'll be fine. He'll be fine."

"Yeah, maybe." Aaliyah doesn't sound pursuited. "But what about you?"

I look aside. "I'll be too."
Lie.

Aaliyah raises her eyebrows. "You sure?"

No, I am not.

The tears fill my eyes, and I can only nod. My smile passes away as the snow in the sun in spring. "You're right, I should better have a cup of sleep."

"Should I call your mum?"

"No, no, thank you. But no. It's fine. We'll talk. Later. Thank's for passing by and checking on me, Aaliyah." I smile at her, and we both know, that we won't call. It's like a second heart-break. I never had a sister and over the last months Aliyah developed to be a good – a real – friend to me. She's been always there, making sure that I was doing fine while I wanted to protect her and see her happy as well. Eventually she's been more of a good friend than Amy has ever been. But I can't say that loud or I will start crying for sure. I blink a few times, then I say: "Just one question again: What are you doing here in London? You surely haven't taken an eight hour flight just to talk to me about your brother's and mine break-up, have you?"

"Uhm. Actually. Yes. And no." Aaliyah smiles a bit unsure. "- You know, that I wanted to break up my studies?"

"Yeah, of course."

"So. I did it. For real. Actually, I'm on the way to my gap-year."

"A gap year? Really? That's great!"

"Yeah, well, I don't know, if it's really gonna be a whole year, but I told my followers, that I needed a break, and that I would sent them maybe some vacation-pics, but nothing on a regular basis. Also, I have been searching for a place to study where I could feel I belong to, and yeah – I ended up at a little university in England. So I was here in the country to have a look at it."

"Oh wow, that's really big news", I can't but smile and frown at the same time. "And that's very couragous."

"I think, I had the feeling to do something ... brave."

"And you did. – You do." I need some seconds to process everything that she just told me. "And what does your family think about this? How are your parents doing with this decision?"

"They're happy, that I've decided to go my own way." Aaliyah looks at me for a moment with a somehow scanning gaze. She knows, that I want to know, what Shawn think's about the fact, that his sister's moving out and entering the world. That she's gonna study in the country where I live at the moment. That I want to hear something – anything – from Shawn.

She hems. "Shawn's a bit ... terrified about my decision. He's ... not happy with me moving onto another well continent. – But he knows that that's what I want at the moment, so he's ... accepting it. But he's not happy." Aaliyah gives me a look saying it isn't anymore about her moving out.

I get the hint. ... I don't know, if that was really what I wanted to hear – that Shawn wasn't happy at the moment, but at least he hadn't moved on and got immediately a new girl on the hook. Well, but for the next album, he sure gonna be searching for another girl that will help him writing songs. Maybe another one that will write whole songs for him. Just like I did.
But maybe not every other girl is that dumb as I was. ... And I was really dumb.

But it hurts although.

I'm feeling that I'm drifting away in my thoughts – that I'm sinking again with the 'Shawn-broke-my-heart-ship', and I clear my throat. "Well, so I hope, he'll get over the fact that his sister's going his own way. ... What does Jordan think about your moving?"

Aaliyah gets that I want to change the subject, and she says with a bright smile on her face: "Well, actually, he's going with me on tour. – I mean on my world-tour. – Is it crazy, that I sound now excactly like Shawn right now? Either way. My world-tour is my gap-year, and I asked Jordan to accompany me, and he said yes."

I can't but smile at Aaliyah back, because it makes me really happy to see her happy. And despite that it breaks my heart that it will take a long, long time until I will be able to drink an ice-tea in winter with Karen on their house's veranda again, I feel, that I am bonded with Aaliyah since the first day we've met at the stadium.
A friend, a sister, that I've never had.

"I really hoped, you would end up together happily," Aaliyah says suddenly. "I really wanted this to work – for Shawn – and for you."

"I wanted this to work, too," I say, my voice almost breaking.

"I'm really sorry," Aaliyah‚ stops at the door again. Just as she wants to say something else.

"Have fun on your trip," I say. "And don't forget – You can always call if some crazy fans are hunting you around, and you're hiding behind an ugly woman's dress."

Aaliyah grins slightly. "Thank you."

On the steps down to the street, she stops again. "I know, I've asked this several times – but you're sure, you're gonna be okay? I mean, just if you want someone to talk or..."

"I'm gonna be fine," I say.

Someday.

She nods and when she's on her way down the street, I look after her for some minutes, not moving a centimetre.

I don't stop smiling. My cheeks almost hurt.