Make Me Smile || Kurt Cobain

Chapter 58 - Hurry Up

Ashlyn

Well it's safe to say that I was doing a lot better than I expected. But my friends wouldn't see it that way.

Maybe because of one teeny tiny reason.

"Ash, I love you but I need to go to the bathroom alone. You know that, right?" Kurt joked as I clung unto him. "Ashlyn"

"I'm sorry Kurt" I said as I let go of him. "I really am"

Kurt took a deep breath then looked down at me with what seemed to be a mix of pity and amusement in his eyes.

"No one's gonna hurt you while I'm gone, okay?" He assured. I nodded though I wasn't sure that was true. Kurt went to the bathroom shortly afterwards and then the horrible feeling of paranoia whenever I was left alone settled in.

It started ever since the Izzy incident.

Whenever I was alone I could vividly remember every single thing that Izzy did to me. The words, the force, the abuse, the hits, the blood...

...the blood.

All I could see was red whenever I shut my eyes. I felt like he was gonna find me and finish the job with me and that scared me to no end.

But of course I felt a lot better whenever I was with Kurt because I felt that Kurt could protect me.

Needless to say, I was sort of a damsel in distress. But it was understandable, I had PTSD.

"I'm back" Kurt announced, stepping out of the bathroom. I wasted no time in running back into his arms. "Easy there Ash"

"I'm so sorry Kurt. I feel like I've become a burden" I confessed in a whisper.

Kurt said nothing but pulled me into his chest and kissed to the top of my head affectionately, rubbing my shoulders as well.

"You were almost raped Ash. You're dealing with PTSD. If you wanna cling to me every waking second of the day then I'm all up for it. As long as you feel safe"

"Oh Kurt" I whispered as I buried my face deeper into his chest.

"I'm here for you Ash. Anytime" He reassured.

This was a little glimpse of how the past three days had been for me.

I was extremely paranoid, scared and depressed. I clung to Kurt mostly and distanced myself from other people. I just didn't know who I could trust.

If Izzy of all people could intentionally harm me then how could I trust anyone else?

I didn't wanna see Dave, Krist, and of the GNR members.

I also didn't wanna see my brother.

Seeing him viciously attack Izzy like that made me realize that maybe I don't know as much of him as I thought. After all, we had been separated for a long time. A lot of things could have changed.

Izzy definitely changed.

I shook the thought of Izzy out of my head and purely focused on Kurt who was putting in a movie for us to watch.

"Are you better now?" Kurt asked, sitting down next to me and placing his arm around my shoulder. I immediately relaxed and snuggled into him. "Hmm?"

"I am. For now" I said with a sigh. "I'm tired of feeling this way Kurt"

"You know you've gotta leave this room someday right?" Kurt asked with a small smile. "You've been stuck here for three days"

"Do you blame me Kurt? Izzy's still out there and so is that other creep who drugged me. If someone could through the lengths of doing that to me then what lengths would he or she not go through?"