Make Me Smile || Kurt Cobain

Chapter 62 - Emptiness

Ashlyn

Kurt stayed with me through the night, sleeping off at the 1am mark.

But of course my eyes remained wide open. As open as they've been for the past four days. I could get more than an hour or two's worth of sleep each night as nightmares haunted me each time.

Nightmares of Izzy Stradlin.

God, when would I ever get over this?

I gently got out of Kurt's hold as I put on my flip flops and made my way out to the balcony in hopes of getting some fresh air.

As was my routine each day.

But this particular night was a bit different. Yes, I was haunted by nightmares but something else was on my mind.

The text message I received after dinner. The moments I spent alone before Kurt got into my room.

The reason I was crying when he found me.

I know you're in Seattle - Izzy

Call me when you know everyone is asleep or else... - Izzy

My body quivered in fear and trepidation. What was I meant to do? I knew by now that Izzy wasn't someone I was supposed to take lightly.

The fact that he could play up a façade of trying to be an older brother figure so perfectly, the fact that he successfully drugged me without my knowledge, the fact that he inflicted so much physical damage on me during his first rape attempt...

The fact that he was able to get me alone during his second attempt... the fact that he was successful that time around.

Tears dropped from my eyes as I tried desperately to shake off the memories of the pain and the blood to no avail.

But could I really disobey Izzy? I was at his mercy after all. And while I could easily report to the police or even to Kurt, Axl or Michael, Izzy threatened to end me.

That was not something I wanted to test the waters with.

Despite that, the shame and stigma would be quite much for me to bear.

Sighing, my shaky hands grabbed my phone and dialed that doomed number. It rang and rang and rang... until...

I heard the devil himself.

"Hey beautiful, it's been a while" That bastard spoke calmly into the phone.

I said nothing as my hands continued to shake. And I couldn't really say anything.

"I heard you left LA" He said quietly.

"Why are you calling me Jeff?" I asked in a shaky voice. "You've already gotten what you wanted."

"I haven't Ash. I haven't" He said. "I'm sorry for the way things have panned out between us beautiful but I do still love you. More than you can imagine"

"Jeff..."

"Ashlyn I want you. I love you. I always have and always will. Why won't you just see that?" Izzy asked in an low eerie voice which sent shivers up my spine. "I'm sure you know this deep down..."

"Jeff..." I wanted to plead with him to stop talking because I could tell by his sinister tone that something awful was a-brewing.

"Cast your mind back to something little Ashlyn. Remember how you laid defenseless on the bed, looking so cute, scared and disbelieved while I took away your most prized possession? Remember your anger and how much you tried to fight back to no avail? Remember how much you screamed and pleaded for me to stop? Remember your tears..."