Make Me Smile || Kurt Cobain

Chapter 28 - Downer

Ashlyn

I could tell everyone was worried about me and I felt bad. But I couldn't stop myself from thinking about what Chris did to me.

Granted he didn't go very far and he apologized right after, the memory, the disgust, the fear and the self deprecating feeling I had that if Chris had actually tried to force me to do anything else, I would've been unable to fight him off still lingered.

Unbeknownst to me, a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Ash, you alright?" Dave asked. I was pulled out of my thoughts and quickly wiped the tear off as I fully turned to face the drummer.

Kurt and Krist were in front of us talking about sound and stage dynamics with some producers.

"Are you sure? I know you. Something is up. Are you fighting with Kurt?"

"No. It's something else. But I don't wanna talk about it" I said.

"But you know you will eventually. I mean other than your actual best friend at home, I'm your best friend" Dave teased.

"As if you could ever compare to Taylor" I muttered as a sad smile somehow grew on my face.

"You miss her"

"So much. And Mike too. I know it's barely been a month and a half but..."

"Hey, it's alright. It happens to the best of us" Dave said. "Would a hug make you feel better?"

Absolutely not. Since that whole Chris episode, I wasn't too big on hugging people. Whenever I did, it reminded me of Chris pressing himself against me.

"Nah. But I accept the sentiment" I said as Dave and I shared a laugh as Kurt and Krist made their way back.

"Okay, so we have an interview in about an hour. Sure you can handle it? Or you need some pointers?" Krist asked.

"Pointers please" I begged as I began to get nervous but the guys just laughed it off.

"So she can sing in front of some huge celebrities during Madonna's birthday party but to answer a few questions is frightening?" Dave mocked.

"Get bent Grohl"

"With pleasure. Your place or my place?" He joked as both he and Krist laughed. I didn't laugh though, I tensed up a bit as I got a flash of Chris in my mind.

I discreetly shook it off but I noticed Kurt glance at me with a raised eyebrow. He was always so perceptive.

Artists.

"So, who were you most excited meeting?" Krist asked. I shrugged.

"Everyone really. But they all pale in comparison to Michael!" I said with a smile. "And of course my favorite guitarist ever Brian May. But I have no idea when I'll finally meet him"

"I thought I was your favorite guitarist" Kurt said as he nudged me in the side a bit. I couldn't help but tense up slightly. Inwardly praying he didn't notice.

"And I thought I was your favorite guitarist" I teased. Kurt had a worried expression on his face for a millisecond before it quickly changed to a smirk.

"Nah. That's Leadbelly"

"Who?" I asked in confusion. Kurt smirked, obviously not expecting me to know who that was in the first place.

"I've got a lot to teach you Ash" Kurt said.

"I bet" Dave joked as he and Krist snickered. I rolled my eyes at them.

Sometimes I felt like I was the only adult in this band.

"You guys need to grow up" I said.

"Oh come on. Like Kurt doesn't wanna..." Dave started before being cut off by a wide eyed Kurt.