- super sad content
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It's been the most 3 brutal days of my life. I lost the love of my life. She got hit by an idiot who was on her phone. I'll never forget how I saw her lifeless body. I haven't left the couch. I refuse to sleep in the bed without her. Matter fact, i haven't even slept. I haven't stopped crying either.
But her funeral was today. So I had to get up and put on my best face. I got off the couch and started the shower. I waited for the water to get warm before i removed my clothes and stepped in. I saw her shampoo, body wash, conditioner etc. i opened the lid to her shampoo and smelled a little of it. I miss her smell. She was never a perfume kind of girl. She liked to smell natural. The body washed she used smelled like lavender.
I did what i had to do, and stepped out wrapping a towel around my waist. I placed both hands on the sink and looked to my left which was her side. She was never a makeup girl either so it was mainly hair clips, hairbrush, toothbrush, etc. I brushed my teeth and went into our closet. I ended up getting lost on her side. I saw the black dress she wore on our last date before she died. I snapped out of it as best as I could, and pulled out a black and white suit with a tie.
I put it on and looked in the mirror fixing my hair. I can still hear her pretty laugh last time we were in here together. I wiped the tears and headed out the door. It was 6pm, and it started at 6:30. I got in my car, and it was up to her level. I sighed with a laugh at the end. I haven't been in my car since everything. We always took hers. I adjusted the seat how i like it and started the car.
I headed over there, holding back tears. I eventually got there. The clouds were dark. I shut the car off and took a deep breath. I got out and walked inside the church and over to her parents immediately hugging them both. Her dad let go of me, and her mom stayed glued to me, crying into my chest. "Im so sorry.." I cried softly, rubbing her back. "Im sorry too." I placed a gentle kiss on the side of her head.
She let me go, and everyone else came and hugged me. I couldn't smile. I was miserable. My heart was hurting. I couldn't turn around to see her dead body in the coffin. I kept my back turned and tried talking to people. While everybody had their back turned, and I closed my eyes and turned around, standing in the middle as I heard people trying to lighten up the mood in the back.
I finally opened my eyes and walked up to her. Her hair was curled, and she was wearing a beautiful dark blue dress. "hey beautiful.." i whispered through my tears. Her hands were on top of her stomach. she was cleaned up. Like nothing ever happened to her. "I miss you.." i rubbed my thumb over her cold lifeless hand. I turned around and no one was looking, so, I grabbed a ring out of my pocket. I was going to propose to her next week.
I was gonna surprise her with a trip and we were gonna leave in a couple days. I slid the ring on her finger, and placed one last gentle kiss on her forehead. "I love you.." I said, sitting in the front where everyone started sitting. I pulled out my ring, and placed it on my finger. I put my face in my hands and sobbed quietly. The whole church was full now. Her sister came and sat next to me rubbing my back.
I looked over at her. She pulled me into a hug. All i wanted to do was get in the coffin with her and hold her while I die. so we can just be together again. After the pastor talked for an hour, and everyone else did, it was time to go to the cemetery. It was now 7:45pm, and everyone got into their own cars. No one was leaving anytime soon. Before they closed her coffin, I walked over to her.
"I love you so much baby.. I'll see you again soon." i placed a long kiss on her forehead. Rubbing my thumb against her cheek. And I walked away. I got into my car and followed everyone from the cemetery. I looked over on the passenger side. wait.. how? I can see her.. wearing the blue dress, looking at me with a smile. It's not real.. it's just my mind messing with me. I got chills and suddenly felt something on my arm. I looked down but when I looked back up she was gone.
She always used to tell me "if i die before you.. look for me in butterflies." I've always remembered that. We made it to the cemetery and it was just as many people. I sat in the front and her mom sat next to me. She held onto my hand. The pastor went on a little more before he stopped. "would anybody like to share some favorite memories about y/n?" My head shot up.
I took a deep breath. "One time.." I sniffled. "we were at the beach and i was laying in the chair with my eyes closed and she got a bucket of water and dumped it on me getting me all wet, and she took off running into the water because I was chasing her and when I tried to jump on her she went under water so I flew over her and when we both came up she was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe." I chuckled and everyone else laughed.
Everyone shared their favorite memories, and I just looked at her coffin that was about to be put into the ground. But I looked away when I saw a butterfly. at night..? Then I remember again what she said. The butterfly was pretty and blue, and it came to rest on my leg. I smiled softly and didn't push it away. When I stood up to say one more goodbye, coincidentally the butterfly stuck to my chair.
I pressed my lips against my fingers and rested them against the coffin and sat back down, where the butterfly had left. They lowered her down and the tears never stopped running down my face. "we made reservations for her favorite fancy restaurant.. everyone here is going." Her mom whispered. "would you like to come?" she looked at me with pleading eyes. I knew about the reservations I just wasn't sure if I wanted to, but I chose to anyway.
"I'll come." I smiled at her. We all got in the car and headed that way. After arriving, there was a long table for all 25 of us. Her mom wanted me to sit next to her so I did. 3 waitresses came by and took our drinks and orders. I looked down at the table.
*flashback*
"what are you staring at?" She tried not to laugh. "you. you're so beautiful." she giggled, and pushed her hair so it fell down her back. We were at her favorite fancy restaurant. "vinnie.." She held onto my hand. "hm?" I smiled at her, admiring her.
"what would you do if i told you i was pregnant?" My eyes widened. "Are you?"
"i wish!" She sighed. She's always talked about having kids. "well.. i would be over the moon excited to have a family with you."
"i want a baby.." she mumbled. "one day, my love.. one day." I leaned over the table to kiss her. we got our food and once she took the first bite she did her little happy dance. "mm i love you!" She said with a mouthful of food. "me or the food?" I tilted my head trying not to laugh. "you obviously.." she widened her eyes and laughed.
"you have to try mine.." she put some on her fork and reached across and put it in my mouth. "wow.. that's really good." I mumbled. "try mine.." i got a piece for her, and put it in her mouth. she moaned (not that way😭) and leaned back. "that's even better than mine." She took a sip of her soda. she's so beautiful. i love how she's always been herself around me.
She furrowed her eyebrows looking behind me. "what is that?" I turned around. when I turned back, she took another bite of my food, and when I caught her she laughed. I laughed along with her. "I love you." i said.
"i love you more.." and she took another bite of my food.
*flashback over*
that was our last date, two weeks ago. i miss her so much. "what are you thinking about, honey?" Her mom asked rubbing my back. "y/n.." i smiled at her. I saw some lightning reflecting off the walls so I turned around to see. But when I did, i saw the same blue butterfly on the window. I smiled softly, and turned back towards her mom. "what?" She looked at me confused on why i had been smiling.
"see that butterfly?" i tilted my head towards the window. she nodded not understanding where i was going with this. "Y/n always told me if she died before me, to look for her in butterflies." she looked at the butterfly one last time and gave me a hug lightly crying. She pulled away shortly after. "she really loved you, vinnie."
"I loved her more than anything." And we sat there scrolling through videos of me and y/n or pictures of her. I'll see her again.
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- sorry for the sad content.. currently on my period 🥲
- favorite aidan bissett song? 🧡
- 23 MORE DAYS TILL FALL BABY
- seeing aidan in 1 month and 17 days! 🫶🏼
- also aidan went live and straight up acknowledged me but not anyone else like- 🥲 call me delulu idc
