Breathing in, breathing out

Sad Ocean Eyes

I could never find proper words

To tell you how much I miss you

And all the little things you had;

First, the way you saw this world

Through your sad ocean eyes.

I'd give anything to go back to a time

When playing hide and seek with you

Was the highlight of my day, even if

Something else wanted to top it.

I could never unsee the ongoing hurt

I watched you bravely face for hours end

No help, good advice, or empathy asked

As you intended to do it alone against

The critical views that landed on you.

By now I know that you haven't fully left

Your lingering presence wakes me up

At night, begging me to let go of the last

Piece of you that keeps me from living.

.   .   .

____________________________________________

A/N: So, it's been almost four years since I lost my older brother and I have written many poems about him and my grief, but I think this one is the most raw. I can't quite put my finger on it, but the last stanza is the most powerful, dripping out of me like a rotten piece of the pain I still, to this day, carry with me. Of course, as a believer, I choose to believe that I'd see him again, but until then, missing him hurts a little extra today and any coming day, to be honest. Whoever you happen to miss or long for, whatever the cause of their death or absence, I hope that my writing helps, eases the pain of it or brings light and peace. If not, that's okay too. Like I said, I choose to believe that death is not the end of love, of anything down here, rather it's the beginning of something far beyond our imagination. I'll try to hold on to that whenever I think of him and our time together, living without him before... well, before I see him again. That's my biggest hope and I truly wish the same for you; finding something to rely on, to relieve the heaviness of grief.

With all that, I'm sending you lots of hugs and love,

M.