Breathing in, breathing out

I CAN'T FATHOM

I can't fathom the amount 

of pain you went through for me

I admire your faithfulness

and yet I question mine. 

My eyes were swollen 

my chest was burning up

I didn't feel safe in my body

I knew I was losing it

at any second now. 

I can't fathom the amount 

of disdain you went through for me

I see you walk in steadfast faith

and yet I fail in mine.

I fell on my knees

as I was crying to no end

I didn't want to go back

I knew my demons

were chasing me down. 

I can't fathom the amount

of hurt you went through for me

I marvel at your patience

and yet I doubt mine. 

My lips were shaking

My hands were ice-cold

I didn't get my desired glory

I knew I was doomed

from the start. 

I can't fathom the amount

of disgrace you went through for me

I watch you move the mountains

and yet I stumble in mine. 

.  .  . 

_________________________

A/N: As a Christian, my perspective on life comes from Christ and living in such a wicked world(talking from what I've seen and felt), it's a lot harder to focus on Him and His teachings. I know, for a fact, that I find my worth in Him and everything I do, I do for Him and for the fulfilment of promises He had made for me. Sometimes, I kneel and feel like my soul is empty and I have nothing else to say to Him. It's a constant reminder that I have to fill it with fruits from the Tree of Life and use them as a guide to Heavenly Father. There's no question that I'm a better person, woman, daughter and friend if I'm with Him, but going through different barriers and emotional anguish takes me away from that path; a path to light and peace for a whole eternity. This poem explains what I feel and why I feel it. Faith is more complex and demanding than we make it seem and when I say that, I'm not talking about sins or wrongdoing but the true meaning of it and how it can transform us. The purpose of our lives is to give Him glory because He is the maker of seas and mountains; He is the one who made your soul and He has a plan for it. Embrace it and be grateful for it! 

I hope you're having the loveliest end to your summer and enjoying the last few hours of August. Although summer is almost gone, the coming of fall has endless possibilities. Take them all and make something worthwhile to remember. 

Stay safe! x

M.