Edser OS and Short Stories

If I Came To This World A Hundred Times... Chapter 4

Serkan woke up before dawn, lying on a couch in his home office. It was the only place in his entire house where furniture was left intact. He chose to sleep there because he didn't want to go back to his old room at the mansion, where he was haunted by the memories from his childhood. Since he returned from boarding school, he preferred to avoid that place and not to stay at the mansion for too long, not to relive the same traumas over and over again.

Serkan got up from the couch, rubbed his eyes, and looked at the watch. It was way before five in the morning, almost an hour before his usual waking up time. He had a good chance to go to the mansion unnoticed, take his clothes, do a proper workout in the gym, if hopefully it was still in its old place, and catch up with some work before going to ArtLife. He needed at least a fracture of his usual routine to feel a bit more normal, as everything in his life was upside down, and he had no idea where he stood or if even there was a place for him in his own life anymore. 

Everybody seemed so cheerful and relaxed, so he caught himself doubting if he ever was needed. That was what he thought in Slovenia when no one ever came or even called, even if he asked Selin so many times. He thought no one cared. It turned out it was a lie, but still, a tiny sprout of doubt was left in him, and he wasn't able to crush it. After all, when he went to boarding school for the first time, no one cared to call either.

Since he'd returned to Istanbul, he couldn't find his place. Everybody expected him to act differently than he was used to and be someone else he wasn't, making him feel out of place even more. The only person whose company was giving him calmness was Eda, even if she was pretty crazy and explosive herself, but there was something peaceful about her presence, making him feel instantly better. 

The problem was Serkan had no idea how someone like him could fit in a relationship with a girl so lively like her when all about him was grim, cold, and uninviting. He couldn't imagine how, during last year, he was able to change into a completely new, smiling, and happy person, who was now mocking him from a picture frame, standing on the desk.

Serkan stood up and put the frame face down. Whatever life got into himself last year, it was gone now, and he was afraid he would never get it back, and with his awful character, he would only drain the life from Eda, if he tried to get closer to her. 

She seemed to be strong, the strongest woman he'd ever met. He didn't need a lot of time to know that, he was a pretty good judge of the character, and that was why he was so good in business, so from scraps of information he had about her and little time spent with her, he already knew how much character strength she must've had to pull herself up after the plane crash that happened at her wedding day, get back to work, ran two exhausting businesses, and still had everything under control. 

But he also knew that everybody, even the strongest person, could be broken, eventually, after too many disappointments. And he was a big walking disappointment, as he used to hear from his father. Didn't he just prove that again by losing the memory of the year that was supposed to change his life? He just went back to the starting point, but this time, there was no finishing line with a prize, as everybody already moved on with their lives, and he was stuck.

Serkan left the home office, throwing the picture in the trash on his way to the mansion. He didn't need the constant reminder of the disaster his personal life was. What he saw with his own eyes was enough.

After a good workout, taking a long shower, and dressing in the clothes he was able to recognize, Serkan sat behind the desk in his office, feeling slightly less grim and even hopeful that this day might not be a total failure. 

He opened his laptop, mindlessly entered the combinations of numbers as his password, and was ready to immerse himself in work, the only thing, besides Eda, that was making him feel better, when someone knocked on the door and entered, not waiting for his invitation.