Heart Of A Saint, Life Of A Sinner

Chapter Forty One

Austin's Pov:

"What are our plans for the holiday now that we've officially finished high school?" "We could rent a beach house and spend a week hitting the waves." "We're looking for a realistic answer, Trevor. We'll get sick of the beach after two days." This was getting us nowhere; none of us could come up with one good place to go for the end-of-year break. Everyone was stressed at their wit's end with applications for college and university, and if they couldn't get in, they would be forced to get a job.

"Why is life outside school worse? I mean, school sucked, but why does life still suck?" "Emma, life hasn't even begun yet; what are you talking about?" I placed my phone down on the bedside table; our group call was getting us nowhere. "Issac, do you have any ideas where to go?" "Book a hotel or lodge and have fun there." "That sounds like a great idea, but where? We've been to most of the lodges already." This was hard; it wasn't like we could pack up our bags and go overseas as well. We were all working on a budget, and the money we saved up wasn't going to help us. "Is Yashrio coming?" "Who the hell is asking that?" It wasn't a mystery who that was. "Iris, why should he come along?" "He is leaving soon, so he'll be too busy to join."

Iris sounded sad. She was quiet, not bothering to reply to him. "I'll have my parents look at a few places. Maybe they know somewhere that's good and not dangerous. The last thing we need right now is a murder or worse." The thought of that scared me to bits. "Alright guys, let's not freak out." "Way to go, Max, now everyone is scared." "I was just being cautious; you can't blame me for thinking of everyone; Hayden back me up here." "Max does have a point as boring as our town is, and we do have to make the most of it."

"Austin, have you got any recommendations?" "I'm happy with anything as long as you guys are with me." "See, Austin knows what's up." "Austin, why don't we stay on your farm?" "Do you like the smell of shit, Emma? Or sleeping on hay?" She didn't respond, "I thought so." "Don't give me that crap; we're all trying here." "Issac, didn't you say you have a car?" "Oh, the car that's in repair thanks to Yashiro's favors? Yes, I have a car that's not in use right now." "Damn."

I paced myself around my room, trying to think of anything, but nothing came to mind except going to a beach house, like Trevor said, "Alright guys, I got to go; it's dinner time, and I ain't missing my mom's cooking." I said my goodbyes, placing the phone down, hearing the remarks of 'mommy's boy' with sweet goodbyes alongside them. I made my way down the stairs, walking down the creaky floorboards. "Here you are. What were you doing upstairs in your room for so long? Don't tell me Iris is hiding up there." I sighed, "No, Mom, I told you we broke up; she is just a friend." "That's what they all say; since you're here, be a star and set up the table for me, please."

I started taking out plates and cups and placing them neatly around the table in their precise places. "Where's dad and Erika?" "Still calling the animals back into the barn." I nodded, taking a seat, placing a hand on my face, running down to my chin. "Hey, mom?" She hummed in response. "What are good places to stay for a weekend? The group and I want to go somewhere before Christmas."

My mom thought for a bit before answering, "Well, you can't go wrong with a beach house." "No beach houses." I cut her off, and she glared at me, looking unpleased with my rude interruption. "Well, honey, you can always book a lodge or even a trip to that new resort that opened up near the mountains, all-inclusive, cheap, and whatever they were advertising." "Wait really?" She nodded her head in agreement. "You can do more research on it, but I'm sure you and your friends will figure something out." I sighed. The lack of ideas and places made our town seem so dull.

My dad walked in with my sister, all dirty and full of fur. "Hi sweetie, we're just going to clean up before dinner," he said, placing a kiss on my mother's lips. "Alright, honey, but be quick, poor Austin is burning calories, thinking, and asking me questions." I rolled my eyes at Mom. Maybe I should talk to them about my coming out. How would they take it? Will they even take it seriously? Will they throw me out of the house like the Mellows? My leg started bouncing up and down under the table, contemplating this conversation, hoping in all ways it would go well and that they would love and accept me the same. "Austin, are you alright? You're starting to look very pale."

I shook my head. "I just have a lot on my mind right now." "Care to share a thought?" I was quiet, not sure if now was a good time or if I should wait longer, but longer would be too painful and tedious. At least I can beat around the bush about it. "Mom, how do you feel about a man and another man you know being together, not friends but something more?"

She didn't answer; she was still both body and mind. "Why ask such a question?" "I was just thinking because you know Max and I have this girl who likes another girl, so we wanted to give advice." "A woman and a woman are different than a man and a man together; if you want to lie to me, you can at least make it sound better." I slapped my hand on my face. Fuck my stupid wordplay, "Well, just the concept of gay, do you um-" "Sweetheart," she said, turning to me, her arms folded against her chest. "What are you asking me?" I sighed; this was a bad time. A bad idea beating around landed me in a position where I wasn't even making sense to myself.

"I just want to know if you're okay with that type of stuff." She was quiet again. "Are you having feelings for your friends?" I was the one who was quiet now. My mind went blank, and I couldn't say anything. I couldn't look at her anymore. She made her way to the table, taking a seat in front of me. "Sweetheart, talk to me." I sighed before opening my mouth, still unable to look at her. "I may feel like that. I just don't want you to hate me if I do. I'm scared, mom. I'm scared of what you'll say. I am not confident in it." I turned around with teary eyes "Mom I like boys" There I said it.

She didn't say anything; she just smiled at me. I didn't know what that meant; it was starting to make me anxious. "Please say something, Mom," she didn't. Instead, she got up and hugged me tightly, her arms wrapped around my neck and my arms in the air, confused. "If your heart tells you that's how you feel about someone, why deny it? It's your heart to let love whoever you want, male or female." I felt a tear drip down my face, my hands finally resting on her back, holding as right as I could. "And dad?" "I'll speak to your father about it; he might be too surprised by it, but I will give you time to speak to him about it yourself." She broke away from the hug, running my arm across my face and wiping the tears away. 

"So who is the lucky man giving you butterflies?" I smiled sheepishly to myself, feeling all sorts of embarrassed and shy. "Well, actually, Isaac and I are going out." "Of course that was so-called." "What do you mean?" "You were crushing on your best friend, but you have to admit no one saw it coming because of the way you guys would fight and glare at each other when you were young." We laughed about it and talked more and more until Dad and Erika came back. I wouldn't have wanted this any different.