Heart Of A Saint, Life Of A Sinner

Chapter Forty Five

Austins Pov:

"Alright guys, let's make a toast to our second night here and make our last day the best day ever!" Emma raised her glass, clinking it with everyone else. Our dinner was served at the table near the all-you-can-eat buffet, along with bread rolls and three wine bottles placed in the middle of the table. "Guys, I just want to say you are the greatest friends a little girl could ever have-", "I want to say, Yeah, yeah, we all love each other, so can we dig in now?" Trevor said, cutting Iris off. Laughter was heard all around the table as everyone began to dig into their conglomeration of food stuffing it in their mouths, gulping wine down their throats.

At least that's what it looks like from my view. I looked at Isaac, who was of course eating with a knife and fork, elegantly. I brushed my foot against his leg, trying to get his attention. He innocently looked up at me, curiosities all over his face. 'You good?' I asked him. He was still chewing his food before nodding and smiling at me. I started digging into the seafood first. I picked out all kinds of frustration and rice mixed with all sorts of spices. I was in heaven.

"So after this, do we have any plans?" Emma asked looking directly at me. "Why are you looking at me?" "I assumed that you had a whole item planned." "Didn't that lady say she had something planned for us every day?" "I think she meant there is if we want to participate, but don't have to." You could hear the clatter from the plates, and clutter from the entire lodge, "Why don't we just relax?" Rose sheepishly asked the still nervous of the whole group, "We have been relaxing; I want to do something fun," Max said, raising his fork in the air. "We could smoke marijuana if you want to do something fun." Max and Trevor began bickering with each other over that, and I watched as everyone smiled with full faces, enjoying their evening. The dinner didn't last long before everyone retired to their room exhausted from the day. Isaac was seated on the bed, with his laptop, "What are you up to?" leaning my whole body on his back. "I am checking my application for any news as well as the uninsured to see if I-" "Are still stressed about that." "I have to?" I rubbed his head before retreating away from him. "Where are you going?" "To get some air," I said, closing the door behind me. 

The fact that he would leave to go study didn't bother me as much as I thought it would, I mean I am happy for him I want him to go, but I will be left behind again. If that wasn't enough I still needed to come out to everyone about Isaac and me; about myself, I didn't want to rush him but I also didn't want to continue to live in secrets where the only reason people think we are together is because we're 'best friends'. I leaned my elbows on the main balcony, running a hand through my hair and feeling the weight on my shoulders. "What am I going to do?" "Do what, my boy?" I jumped at the sudden voice next to me.

It was an old man who appeared to be sitting in a wheelchair staring into the night sky. "Excuse me?" I said, looking at him. His eyes looked as if they were half closed, and his face was by no means wrinkled yet. He still had a sliver fox look regardless if he didn't have much hair on his head. "What troubles you my boy, that you would be out staring into the marble floor instead of the beguiling night sky?" My eyes on reflex looked up at the many stars in the sky, all thinking, wow. I stared at the sky turning around in a circle, smiling from ear to ear. "Careful boy, you might get dizzy and fall over"  I stopped almost tumbling over myself.

"Well, I don't know if it would help to tell you my problems." "A burden shared is a burden halved, so tell me, maybe an old geyser can help you." I laughed at how he referred to himself. I was quiet for a bit, collecting my thoughts before I spoke. "Well, i-my-uh," I cleared my throat. "I want to tell my friends that I am in love and dating my friend, but I am afraid of how they will react, and to tell our friends would be even worse. I can imagine judging the situation, so I'm not sure what to do." "Have you considered not telling them?" "Not a chance, old man. They are my friends. I feel like I owe them that, as well as our parents. I don't want them to not know. I don't want to live in secret and not tell them anything. I want to be free. I want to be out and just be able to express myself with him like everyone else can with their partner." 

The old man didn't say anything; he just listened. "I just don't know how to do it or where to start." I could feel my eyes water. I was emotional with the thought on my shoulders. I didn't want to continue, so I didn't want to hide this. "Does he make you happy?" I nodded my head, staring into the stars. "Then why bother with what other people think?" I couldn't answer. "Your happiness is your responsibility; no one can take that away from you; it is your job to nourish what brings you happiness, even if it means that everyone around you falls away." I couldn't do that; I couldn't lose anyone, but I also couldn't be appreciative all the time. "What should I do?" The old man turned, smiling at me. He raised his hand, pointing his index finger up to his chest. "Do what your heart tells you," I smiled back at the old man, nodding my head. The night sky grew darker as the stars slowly started to fade. "Hey old man, what's your man?" "Louis Edward," "I'm Austin Carson." "Nice to meet you, Austin." "Nice to meet you too."