BORUSARA - Oneshots xx

A Night in His Mind

Boruto choked down dinner and began dragging himself up the stairs. It was as if the single flight before him was a small mountain, each step more treacherous than the last. The only thing that kept him from collapsing to his knees was the thought that his little sister would find him lying there and think something was terribly wrong with him.

There was, but he couldn't explain it. On the outside, he was fine, but on the inside, he was a mess.

So, he took one laborious step after another, stiffening his back to make it appear as though he was walking normally, swallowing back the tears that rimmed his eyelids. Left. Right. Left. Right. Come on hamstrings. Work with me. Don't you dare let that teardrop fall.

When he finally reached the top, his little sister stared up at him from the bottom. "Onii-chan, is something wrong? You seem tired."

"I'm exhausted," he said, managing a smile. "I think I'm gonna go to bed early."

Opening the door to his room with a hand that was practically limp, he pulled it shut behind him. Sobs worked their way up his throat almost immediately. Crumpling to his knees by his door, he shook his head and swallowed, stopping himself before he could become a puddle of misery.

I need to at least make it back to the bed.

He forced himself to stand one last time and fell face first onto his mattress, dragging his unwilling legs forward. Next, covers were pulled over his head, entrapping him in the privacy of darkness to let his emotions leak out of him like a punctured water balloon.

He hugged his knees close, tears dripping over the edges of his eyes as thoughts swirled violently like a tornado through his mind. Too fast to elaborate on. Each one spreading a painful numbing sensation through his body.

He wished he could yell, scream, or claw his insides out. Anything to be rid of the terrible sensation that squished his heart under its hefty weight.

Ever since he had gotten the stupid karma, he knew something was wrong. His usual cheerful personality had been able to triumph over the feeling of wrongness for a time. But then, all of a sudden, something else took over.

Someone else's desires, their thoughts, their emotions. Every once and a while, he would feel them, like a pinprick to the back of his mind. They were vile and disgusting. And now that he was aware of the true nature of what he had become, he saw himself as a monster that deserved death.

He tucked his head further into his knees, body quivering. He could see nothing. Hear nothing. Nothing other than the voices that told him he was dangerous. He shouldn't be allowed outside. He should be locked up in a cage whenever Sasuke and Kawaki weren't around to kill him. To stop him if something were to happen.

You are no longer of use to your village.

You were never of any use to your village.

Shut up, he told the voices, bringing his hands to the sides of his head. Be quiet. He needed mental strength if he was going to fight the battle against the monster inside of him. But the voices only got louder and louder.

You drag down your team.

You might endanger the people you love.

You stabbed his eye.

You'll hurt her.

Boruto's fingers dug into his scalp, curling around his ears. "Shut up," he whispered, squeezing his eyes closed. The slight rustle of his blanket as he shook was the only thing keeping him semi-sane.