Dysfunctional ~ F.Hargreeves

45} The Grandfather Paradox

"Here's the example they gave us at the Commission," Jenna started to explain, "In New Jersey, 1953, Elmer Tatelman hates his grandfather. Elmer blames everything on his grandfather. His mother's pain, his father's death, and his own sad life. He constantly hears his grandfather yelling at his mom about her cooking and it distresses him. Instead of it being another sad tale about soup, Elmer goes ahead and invents time travel two years later. You see, Elmer has decided the key to his future happiness is to go back in time to 1905 and kill his grandfather. Elmer completes his mission, but makes one crucial mistake in the process. He went too far back in time. By murdering his grandfather in 1905, it meant that Elmer's mother didn't exist to meet his father in 1925. Which made certain that Elmer himself was never born. Elmer killed his grandfather, so his mother was never born. But if his mother was never born, Elmer no longer exists. But if Elmer no longer exists, how could he possibly have killed his grandfather? And around and around we go. Elmer has created a paradox that is now called the Grandfather Paradox and is completely hypothetical because if it were to happen, well... bad shit would go down. Damn it, I just felt another wave go by, Five."

"I'm so confused," Diego buried his face in his hands.
"Shocking," Allison replied, sarcastically.
"Well," Viktor tried to dumb it down, "Someone killed our mothers, so we shouldn't exist. But clearly, we do exist, and the universe can't handle it, which is a problem."
"Big problem," Five sighed and took a sip of coffee.
"It's too late for that," Jenna tried to take it from him, but he tugged it back.
"No, it's not. Leave it."
"Fine."
"Yah!" Stan started practicing karate moves near the pool table.
"Stanley!" Diego yelled at him, "Now is not the time to be doing karate, okay?"
"Yeah, well, Mom said I need to practice," He defended himself.
"Yeah, well, she's not wrong. You're very bad."
"Well, I saved your pathetic ass."
"Okay, hold on," Allison tried to catch up, "Five, so we caused a paradox. What does that mean?"
"It's hard to say," He shrugged, "It's all been theoretical until now, but things have started to disappear."
"What things?" Viktor asked.

"The lobsters in the tank downstairs," Jenna stated, "And I think poor Mr. Pennycrumb, but I don't have it in me to tell Chet. It would break his heart."
"Oooh," Klaus sat up from the floor, "and a shit ton of cows!"
"But I have a feeling this is just the beginning," Five lowered his head.
"A feeling?" Allison snarked, "Aren't you retired?"
"I want nothing more," He wrapped an arm around Jenna with a sad smile.
"You know," Allison stomped towards him, "you can't keep dragging us through hell because you have an itch only an apocalypse can scratch and then expect us to deal with the fallout. You're not the boss."
"Back off," Jenna stood in front of Five and lightly pushed Allison away from him.
"Fine," Five gave up, "I'm the messenger, and I'm telling you something terrible is coming."
"Like a Kugelblitz," Jenna shuttered at her own words.

"Then let's go attack the Sparrows, get the briefcase, and go home," Allison suggested.
"This is our home, Allison," Five told her, "Accept it."
Behind them, Stanley knocked over the pool table rack and started a fight with Diego.
"That's it!" He yelled, "I'm telling your mom."
"Ooh!" Stan taunted.
"Wait, where's Lila?" Five's eyes lit up along with Jenna's.
"Shower," Stan scoffed, "I told her she could stay with us."
"Come on," Five nodded his head for Jenna to follow him.
"Way ahead of you," She smirked.
"Five, Jenna, where you two going?" Diego yelled after them.
"To go talk to somebody who only has half her head up her ass," Five told him.
"And whose presence I wouldn't mind right now," Jenna smiled back at him before running off with Five.
"Don't leave," Klaus whined, "Jenna, Five, don't leave."
"No Klaus," Five rolled his eyes, "We're leaving."

Five and Jenna traversed the halls, hand in hand, until they made it to the communal showers.
"Maybe you should wait out here," Jenna gave him an awkward look.
"Why?"
"Because it's the lady's room. Shoo. I've got this."
Jenna shoved Five outside and made her way in.
"Hey, Lila," She greeted, "How are you doing?"
"Well, since you asked, I'm-" Five walked in and cut her off.
"What are you doing here?"
"Shaving my nest, you little perv," She glared at him.
"Don't flatter yourself," He crinkled his nose up in disgust, "I like my women a little less likely to kill me in my sleep."
"Says the man married to Jenna Henderson. You are one fucked up little man. Here's a gift for you, then," she chucked a knife at his head, which he dodged by spatial jumping.
Jenna rolled her eyes as she watched the two fight it out.
Fucking children.