Dysfunctional ~ F.Hargreeves

66} One Hell Of A Road Trip

The Hargreeves siblings sped over to Sy's Dry Cleaning as fast as Diego's van could get them there. Upon entry, they found the place completely cleared out with only a note and map left behind on the clothesline.
"Well, looks like Sy flew the coop," Allison crossed her arms over her chest with a sigh.
"Or," Five grabbed the map from the cycling rack, "Somebody got to him."
"He did say he was in danger," Diego pointed out.
"Look at this," Five laid the map out flat and pointed to a circled spot on it, "New Grumpson, Maine."
"The hell's in New Grumpson?" Diego squinted at the map.
"Maybe Sy's daughter, Jennifer," Lila suggested.
"Or maybe that's where our dry cleaner scampered off to," Allison countered.
"Yeah, or maybe this is all just one big setup," Viktor sighed.

"Well," Five gathered everything up, "There's only one way to find out. Even though Jenna told me not to help Sy-"
"Hell yeah," Diego cut Five off and snatched his keys back up in his hands, "Road trip."
Diego led the way out of the dry cleaner's to his car.
"Really?" Viktor whined, "Are we really doing this?"
"Hell yeah we're doing this," Diego said with a determined look on his face.
"You do realize we have three small children, yeah?" Lila asked.
"Lila," He turned back to face her, "Look, hey. Today's Wednesday, okay? The twins have garden club, and Grace has gymnastics, okay? Uncle Lenny can pick 'em up, okay? Come on."

"Yes, okay," She grabbed him, "But wait, that's not the point."
"That is the point. Look, I spend all day every day with your family, all right? And I never ever complain, all right?"
"You complain all the time."
"Okay, okay. Well, look, this is... my family," He gestured around to his family that was talking about how Klaus only had one spare pair of underwear, "All right? And I want you to come with me."
Lila let out a defeated sigh, "Uncle Lenny, huh?"
"Just you and me. Like the old days. No kids," He started to gag from the Marigold nausea, "No kids."
"Okay," She agreed.

"All right," Diego left Lila's side and yelled at his family, "Listen up, people. First mission back, baby! We're back," He pushed past Five to get to the car, "Out the way. Get in!"
"I'm in the front!" Lila called shotgun.
"Everyone in!" Diego commanded.
"Why are you yelling?" Allison groaned.
"First mission back!" He exclaimed.
"Shut up!" Ben griped.
"Get in the car and turn on the heat," Allison kicked the back of Diego's seat while he tried to start up the car.
Diego drove, Five somehow got the passenger's seat, Klaus, Lila, and Allison got the second row, Ben and Viktor in the third, and Luther in the trunk.

"All right," Five buckled in.
"We're doing it," Lila commented to herself.
"First mission back!" Diego started punching the roof of the car.
"Why are you so loud?" Five held his aching head in his hands.
Lila cheered as Klaus breathed in and out of his comfort paper bag.
"Hell yes!" Ben got into the spirit, "Let's go kill this bitch!"
After an awkward silence settled, Allison told him, "This is a rescue mission."
"Right," Ben looked down in his lap, "Yeah, sorry."

Diego took off and started their long journey all the way to Maine. A little ways in, he turned on the radio, which only played Baby Shark on loop.
"God, will you please turn that song off?" Viktor complained from the back.
"I can't," Diego replied through gritted teeth, "It's stuck."
The song droned on for another hour, and then a couple more.
"Diego, will you change that song!?" Luther snapped after listening to it for hours on end.
"I can't!" He yelled back.
Klaus pulled out his bottle of kombucha to take a sip.
"God, that smells rancid," Lila plugged her nose.
"What?" Klaus looked at her in disbelief, "You don't like my kale-kiwi-carrot-cabbage kombucha? It's good for the soul and great for the bowels."

"Diego," Five's stomach started to gurgle like it had earlier that morning, "Uh... maybe, uh, pull over."
"Can't," Diego shook his head, "We're making good time."
"Okay," Five gagged, "Well, I'm gonna hurl."
"Can you pull over?" Lila joined in, "I need to pee."
"You don't want a sippy of this potent elixir?" Klaus offered his kombucha to Five, "So good for you," Five pushed it away.
"All right," Diego handed his old lemonade bottle back to Lila, "Heads up. Here."
"Oh no," She shoved it away instantly.
"You know what it is. Right. Use it."
"Not the pee bottle," Diego chose to ignore her and threw it in the backseat anyways, causing the family to pass it around in a disgusting game of hot potato.