When Tim came home, he found her, sat in the kitchen, a glass and a bottle of tequila in front of her, lost in thought. After he kissed her head, he sat in front of her, his eyes scanning her.
"Not pregnant," she pourred her glass. "Again," and she drank it before she left the room to join their bedroom.
After two years of dating, one morning she found herself on the bathroom floor waiting to know if she was pregnant or not. It came negative. Tim was at work when she sent him the result. Surprisingly, both of them were disappointed. This little fright made them think about their next step together. Both of them wanted to become parents, and maybe they hoped the test was positive. So, they talked a lot. Wedding could wait. He will ask her later, one day. But now, what they both really wanted was a baby. They wanted to create something, something more meaningful. Both with their own fears, they were ready.
So they began their journey to become a family.
And they tried. Tried and tried again. And every time, the result was the same: negative. A year of trying. At least 3 pregnancy tests each morning during five days per month. Twelve months of disappointment, tears, and hope. They had a consult with a fertility specialist; nothing was wrong with both of them; it seemed their bodies just didn't want it. It became visceral. Lucy blamed herself for not being capable of doing something, and Tim was mad at him for not being able to do his part correctly. And every time she found she was not, it broke his heart. Most of the time, he had the same answer: "Maybe next time, love.". But tonight was the first time she left the room without him; she didn't run into his arms; tonight she opened a bottle of tequila and ran away to their bedroom.
He gave her space and went to take his shower first. When he joined her, she was in the middle of their bed; she had cried again. He climbed on the bed, embraced her, and she cried again.
"I... I... I can't do this anymore, Tim... I can't."
"I'm sorry..."
"What's wrong with me?""
"Nothing's wrong.. and you know it."
Of course she knew it, but blaming herself was the easiest way: She was the woman, her body was not cooperative, her body didn't want it, her body failed. She had all afternoon to think.
"Tim ?"
"Hm?"
"I really want to be a mom; I want to see you becoming a father; I want to see a child running in our yard; I want all of that and more. And as much as I love having sex with you, I can't face a negative pregnancy test anymore. "
"Do you want to go back to that specialist and see the option? You still have your eggs frozen."
"You know how much an IVF costs? Around $20.000 per cycle, not including all the tests, Dr. Appointment... So if it doesn't work the first time... add $20.000 more. We can't afford that. Maybe my mother jinxed us... "
"What other solution do we have? Surrogate? "
"More than IVF, babe, I'm not sure you really want to know the price... Believe me. "
"Kidnapping is not an option?"" It made her smile.
"You're an idiot... Adoption? I mean, I won't get pregnant, but maybe someone is waiting for us somewhere. Maybe it's the reason why nothing works down here?"
"Are you sure you are ready for this? It could be a long process."
"I know. I'm ready if you are."
" Always. I don't care if our future child is not biologically ours; love is stronger than science. I know how much you want to be pregnant, and trust me, me too, but maybe you're right. Maybe someone is waiting for us." He kissed her head.
"How should we do that?""
"Maybe we can ask Luna? She might be able to give us information. I can call her tomorrow."
"That's good. Babe? "
"Yes? "
"If it works, do you think I will be able to do this?""
"You did it with Tamara, right? She's fine. You did good with her. And she was a teenager when she stole your car and became your puppy. And you know how teens are hard.. She survived, you survived. And that time, i will be here from morning to night. Come on, Luce, we need to rest."
She joined him under the sheets, and he switched off the light.
"Tim? "
"Hm?"
"Hold me, please..." and he did.
"We are going to find a solution, babe. Together. "
" Hm. I'm so sorry. It became too hard for me. Too hard to read "not pregnant" or having just one pink line. And you, us, are too important to me to fall apart... I failed once again."
"Luce, hey, stop blaming yourself. You didn't fail. We are going to be fine. One day, you will hear a kid laughing in that yard. It could be tomorrow, in three months, in three years."
" Hm. I need to see my therapist."
"That's good. Take an appointment."
" Hm. You will call Luna tomorrow?"
"Yes, I will. Now, close your eyes. I'm not going anywhere."
"I love you."
"I love you. Good night, love."
He kissed her goodnight and thought maybe he should see his therapist too. But he was sure of something: one day a child will wake them up during the night and join them in their bed because a monster would eat his feet.
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10.08.2024 : Hey guys. I'm back from my holidays with the kids. Network was bad where we were, not possible for me to post something. I'm going to see a friend from Wednesday to Sunday, and i won't post anything. I'm bringing back the kids to my brother tomorrow. Maybe, i will have time to write something on Tuesday night. Got a lot of ideas :) Don't forget to vote and comment it helps a lot ! Thank you so much again ! Take care.
