Sunoo leaned back on his chair, watching the faint glow of the city lights from his bedroom window. Another night of silence from Heeseung-it wasn't new anymore. He had grown accustomed to the distance, the way Heeseung seemed to avoid him on camera, the way his laughter felt hollow when they were in the same room with the other members.
But that didn't mean it hurt any less.
Heeseung wasn't always like this. There was a time when Heeseung's gaze never left him, when his laugh came naturally as long as Sunoo was around, when holding hands under the table felt like their little secret in a world that expected too much of them.
The knock on the door startled Sunoo from his thoughts.
"Sunoo-yah!" It was Jake's voice, frantic and hurried. "Heeseung's drunk! He's asking for you."
Sunoo's stomach twisted. He walked to the door, opening it slightly to see Jake, Jungwon, and Jay trying to hold a visibly drunk Heeseung back. Heeseung's eyes were red, his hair disheveled, and he reeked of alcohol.
"Sunoo..." Heeseung's voice broke, and for a moment, Sunoo felt the familiar ache in his chest. "Please, let me in."
"No," Sunoo said firmly, gripping the doorframe. His voice was calm, but inside, he was unraveling. "You're drunk, Heeseung. Go back to your room."
"Please!" Heeseung's plea was louder this time, making Jungwon wince. "I know I've been distant, but I-"
"You what?" Sunoo interrupted, his eyes narrowing. "You want to apologize now? When you can't even think straight? When I've already gotten used to you pretending I don't exist?"
The members fell silent, the weight of Sunoo's words hanging in the air.
"I never wanted to pretend," Heeseung mumbled, his voice slurring. "I was scared, Sunoo. Scared of loving you so much and everyone seeing it. Scared of ruining everything."
Sunoo's grip on the door tightened. His heart warred between anger and the longing to reach out to him. "That's not an excuse, Heeseung. You can't just shut me out because you're scared. That's not how relationships work."
"Sunoo, please..." Heeseung whispered, his body slumping against the members holding him back. "I need you."
Sunoo closed his eyes, exhaling shakily. "You need to sleep this off. We'll talk tomorrow when you're sober." His tone was soft yet resolute.
Heeseung didn't resist as Jay and Jungwon guided him back down the hall, his drunken pleas fading into the quiet night. Sunoo shut the door, leaning against it as tears threatened to fall.
He wanted to believe Heeseung's words, to believe that things could go back to how they were before. But trust wasn't something that could be mended overnight.
For now, Sunoo had to protect his heart, even if it meant keeping the door closed.
The months had passed, and Sunoo found himself caught in a constant battle between longing and self-preservation. Heeseung tried-he really did. He showed up to practice early, sent random texts, and even managed to force a smile when Sunoo caught him on camera. But it was never the same. The warmth in his eyes was gone, replaced by something Sunoo couldn't quite decipher: guilt, fear, or perhaps both.
But Sunoo had learned to hold back, to protect his heart from the ache that followed every distant glance from Heeseung.
One evening, after a particularly long rehearsal, Sunoo found himself in the hallway of their shared dorm. The members were gathered in the lounge, their voices rising in quiet discussion, but it was Heeseung's low voice that caught his attention.
