not enough

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I'm not fine.
I'm just not fine.

I feel so under pressure,
yet I feel nothing at all.

I look outside the window
but I don't recognize the world.
I look inside the mirror,
but I don't recognize my eyes.

They used to light up every room,
now sadness looks back at me,
my eyes look heavy,
my heart feels empty.

I have so much fire inside of me,
burning, raging,
but the world keeps pushing it down.

Still, I rise, again and again,
Only to fall, again and again.

This is all I ever wanted,
but am I ready for it?
Everyone else seems to be stronger,
everyone else seems to be faster,
While I ache to be the strongest,
just once.

And I enjoy my journey, I do
But it's not yet the way I dream it could be

Am I disciplined enough?
Do I fight hard enough?
I don’t know.
But what I do know
Is that I don’t feel fine.


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