BAPA One-Shots

Big Swellview's Cars

Reference to a hilarious commercial parody.

(Warning: swearing)
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No One's POV:

Chapa and Bose are standing outside in front of an old car place. Schwoz is behind a camera.

Schwoz: "Okay... 3... 2... 1..."

After 1, he points a finger, telling them that they are now Live.

Chapa: "Fuck you, Swellview."

Bose: "If you're dumb enough to buy a new car this weekend..."

Chapa: "You're a big enough schmuck to come to Big Swellview's Cars."

Bose: "Bad deals..."

Chapa: "Cars that break down..."

Bose: "Thieves."

Chapa: "If you think you're gonna find a bargain at Big Swellview's..."

Bose: "You can kiss our ass."

Chapa: "It's our belief that you're such a stupid motherfucker..."

Bose: "You'll fall for this bullshit..."

Chapa: "Guaranteed."

Bose: "If you find a better deal..."

Chapa: "Shove it up your ugly ass."

Bose: "You heard us right."

Chapa: "Shove it up your ugly ass."

Bose: "Bring your trade..."

Chapa: "Bring your title..."

Bose: "Bring your offer..."

Chapa: "We'll fuck it."

Bose: "That's right, we'll fuck your offer."

Chapa: "Because at Big Swellview's..."

Bose: "You're fucked six ways from Sunday."

Chapa: "Take a hike..."

Bose: "To Big Swellview's Cars..."

Chapa: "Home of challenge pissing."

Bose: "That's right, challenge pissing."

Chapa: "How does it work?"

Bose: "If you can piss six feet in the air straight up and not get wet..."

Chapa: "You get no down payment."

Bose: "Don't wait..."

Chapa: "Don't delay..."

Bose: "Don't fuck with us..."

Chapa: "Or we'll rip your nuts off."

Bose: "Only at Big Swellview's..."

Chapa: "The only dealer that tells you to fuck off."

Bose: "Hurry up, asshole."

Chapa: "This event ends the minute after you write us a check."

Bose: "And it better not bounce or you're a dead motherfucker."

Chapa: "Go to hell."

Bose: "Big Swellview's Cars..."

Chapa: "Swellview's filthiest..."

Bose: "And exclusive home to the meanest sons-of-bitches in the state of *insert any state here*."

Both: "Guaranteed!"

Schwoz: "And cut. Perfect!"
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Sorry that there wasn't any romance in this chapter, I just really wanted to make this and I was kind of tired to keep it going.