Just Pretend

Chapter 77 - Whale Watching

"I'm so excited for this." I smile at Noah as I pull on my black and white checkered Vans. I'm wrapped up cosy even though it's the middle of August, opting for a pair of black cargo jeans, my trusty Stay Cold Apparel hoodie and a black leather jacket.

"Me too, I've never done something like this before." He smiles pulling the hood free from where it's caught underneath my jacket.

"Who's coming?" I ask fiddling with my bracelet.

"It's just gonna be you and me baby girl." Noah grins playfully at me a familiar glint in his eyes.

"Good, I kinda want it to just be us." I confess making Noah raise his brows in curiosity.

We've been in Cape Cod for a few days now and although everyone is trying to put the dinner table argument behind us it's still there bubbling under the surface forcing the guilt to continue to gnaw at me.

It's like everyone's trying to bury it underneath the sand, not even mentioning it but it's there. The subtle tension when the topic shifts a little to close. Sadie's watchful smile, soft but reassuring. Jolly's lingering stare, calm but assessing as if to make sure everything really is okay. Folios carefully chosen words, his jokes not quite landing as sarcastically as usual and Nicks persistent need to check in that we're okay are all signs that it's in the past but it's not really forgotten.

"Why?" Noah asks, not judging or accusing just wanting to understand.

I swallow my fingers tighten around the cool bracelet on my wrist as my mind scrambles to find the right words.

"I just think that it might be good for everyone to have a little space." I reply my gaze not quite reaching his. "Y'know to let everything settle... there's still a weirdness. I don't know... I don't think anyone is mad but there's still an awkwardness. It will just be nice to go out and not feel like we're tiptoeing around each other." I let out a shaky breath as Noah's hands snake around my hips pulling me against his chest.

"Yeah, I get it." He whispers smoothing down my hair pressing a soft kiss to the top of my head. "I get it baby. I don't want you getting stressed... it's not good for you or bean."

His breath is warm against my hair, his voice low and certain. He pulls me in even tighter, the familiarity settles any doubt before it can even start.

My own arms wrap around his waist holding onto him tightly, closing my eyes just feeling his gentle breathing against me, steadying me from the inside out.

His chin rests on top of my head, his hands running up and down my back soothing me.

"Talk to me... tell what else is going on in that pretty little head of yours Mar." Noah whispers the room suddenly feeling too quiet to carry all the things I have to say.

"I'm worried Noah." I sigh feeling all the air deflate from my body as my grip on his hoodie tightens.

"About what baby?"

"All of it." I whisper my voice catching. "I worry about what's going to happen. I worry about what's going to happen with the band and the boys... I worry about if our little one is going to get dragging into all of this and if it's going to make things worse for you. I don't want them dragged into the spotlight, into this tension and awkwardness that we're all pretending isn't there."

"Hey, baby girl... I promise you that I will keep you and bean safe. They're not going to get caught up in this, not if I can help it."

"I know I just don't want things to get worse Noah. With the guys and the band... everything's still so fragile and it makes me nervous, like one wrong move and everything will blow up all over again." I whisper finally looking up to him shaking his head.