Just Pretend

Chapter 71 - I Had To Get Back To You

"Ready to see our baby again?" Noah smiles taking my hand in his own our fingers lacing together as he locks the car without a second glance.

"Of course, are you?" I smile back lightly squeezing his hand.

"Fuck yeah... I just wish I didn't have to fly straight after." He says his smile falters slightly at the thought.

"You'll be back before I can even miss you." I reply as confidently as I can muster because realistically the thought of being alone for the first time in L.A truly terrifies me. No Noah, no Sadie or the boys. Just me, the quiet and the baby growing inside of me. "Just a couple of days right?"

"Just a couple of days, I'll be back on Monday." He squeezes my hand in reassurance and I nod my head as if it's a comfort when it feels like I'm a step away from falling off the ledge.

"Yeah... Monday." I mutter back absentmindedly feeling Noah's hand on my lower back guiding me as he opens the door for the clinic.

The familiar smell of antiseptic hits me as Noah signs us in and we take a seat in the waiting area. It's quieter than the last time we were here but the nerves are still strong.

"You okay?" Noah whispers taking my hand in his own shifting in the seat next to me.

"Yeah I'm okay. I just hope they're okay." I half smile hoping it's convincing enough.

"Beans definitely okay." Noah smiles back gently squeezing my hand. "Everything is going to be perfect just like it was the last time."

"Oh yeah, because you just know it." I wink sarcastically at Noah.

"Exactly." His smile turns to a smirk and I can't help the bubble of laughter that escapes me.

"Margo Brown." A nurse calls and I stand up, Noah's hand in mine absentmindedly dragging him up with me. "This way." She smiles leading us down the familiar hallway to small room just off the left. The same as last time. The same bed, same computer and chairs. "Take a seat. Dr Ellis won't be too long. Make yourselves comfortable."

We both take a seat, Noah pulling the chair closer to where I'm perched. He takes my hand in his giving me a light squeeze flashing me a smile but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"You okay?" I ask knowing he's not. His knee bounces, steady and nervous a quiet metronome of everything unspoken.

"Yeah, I just hate that I'm leaving you straight after this." He swallows and his Adam's apple bobs aggressively as if the words alone are a hard pill to swallow.

"I know." I nod tightening my fingers around his. "I'll be okay. You won't be gone long. You've done most of the summer festivals now and after this weekend it's just one more. Then we can focus on us, on our family." He nods in agreement but his jaw clenches, like he's trying to convince himself.

"I don't want you to think I'm choosing work over this. Over you." He looks away as the words leave his lips like saying them directly might make them sting even more.

"I'd never think that. You're going to work. You're doing what you've spent years achieving. I'm so proud of you and we knew that this was gonna be hard but we're making it work and you're not missing a god damn thing of it either. Not Bean and not your career that you've worked so fucking hard for."

"I just want to be with my babies..." He whispers, his voice breaking like the words might shatter him completely.

"Oh Noah..." I whisper back and the door creaks open, Dr Ellis beams at us completely unaware of the fragile moment that she's stepped into.

"Good Morning Margo, Noah." She says brightly busying herself at her desk. "So, we're going to be doing the nuchal translucency scan and take some tests from you, nothing to worry about..." Her words keep going but my mind wanders, stuck on the words that Noah muttered just moments before : "I want to be with my babies..." They keep spiralling through my head, heavier now, because the reality is sinking in. He's going to be on another plane in less than four hours. He's won't be with us, he'll be somewhere else, where other people need him just as much as I do.