Just Pretend

Chapter 64 - Potatos, Rice & A Tiny Bean

"Margo please eat something baby." Noah pleads urgently. All day I haven't been able to keep anything down apart from pretzels and now an hour before their headline set instead of preparing for the Spanish crowd, hyping himself and the boys up he's crouched in front of me face etched with worry begging for me to eat something substantial.

"No, I feel sick." I whisper back at him my eyes half closed. I'm so exhausted and I know it's not just from the travel, I'm mentally exhausted too along with the back and forth trips to the bathroom I'm thoroughly wiped out. "Everything I eat comes back up and all the smells are constantly making me wanna puke. I can't eat. I'm good with this." I hold up the ginger ale that's somewhat been a help.

"Oh Mar..." He looks at me sympathetically his eyes still so full of worry.

"Don't do that. I'm fine."

"Try a banana? Or some of the crackers. Please." He begs and I smile weakly.

"I am trying Noah." I don't mean to come off whiney but it does, tired and weak. He runs his hands up and down my thighs.

"I know baby girl... it's just shit. Not being able to help fucking sucks." He places a kiss to my forehead and I lean into him like this small but intimate show of affection will give me the energy boost I so desperately need.

As soon as he pulls away he reaches for the banana peeling back the skin handing it to me and I cautiously nibble on it. The texture feels awful but the taste is good and hopefully it'll stay down.

"Good girl." Noah whispers as he brushes a few strands of hair away from my face. The guilt I feel for him trying so hard when he's on tour is incomparable and I can feel everyone's eyes on us.

"You need to get ready Noah." I remind him and Nick, Sadie and Folio go back to their conversation but Jolly's eyes linger, watching our every move.

"I know baby but my priority is you. This is happening whether we're doing one of our biggest tours or not. This is more important than any set." He whispers and I nod placing down the banana.

I stare at him the words sinking in, something we can't escape. This is happening.

"Fucksake..." I mutter feeling my stomach turn and as I stand my eyes lock with Jolly who's still watching curiously. "Bathroom." I mutter to Noah who groans in obvious frustration, his hand on my lower back guiding me back stage towards the bathrooms.

"I thought we had a saviour with the banana." He mutters and I nod aggressively in agreement desperately swinging the bathroom door open and running towards a stall.

I barely make it in time before I'm leaning over the toilet saying a dramatic goodbye to the banana. There's nothing left but my body keeps trying anyway rejecting everything I throw at it.

"Fuuuck." I groan feeling the stall door opening behind me and I feel warm small circles being rubbed on my back.

"You're okay Mar, I've got you." Noah whispers and it finally subsides.

"You have to get ready." I moan trying to distract myself from everything that's happening. I pull on the toilet roll and clean myself up not daring to face Noah.

"I'm not leaving you like this Mar. I won't." He kisses the side of my head comforting me in the simplest way.

"I can't do this on tour. You're halfway through and this isn't showing any signs of slowing down."

"I know baby but you're doing it. I'm so proud of you Margo." He whispers as he helps me up.

His words soothe me but I can't keep doing this although the reality is that I have no choice, we're half way around the world from home and I don't trust myself to navigate an airport or to get on a flight without Noah.