By the time late afternoon rolls around I'm fucking exhausted. In between canoeing, walking, carrying a growing baby and my mind racing one hundred miles an hour I am thoroughly wiped out.
Everyone else's energy levels are sky high as they all take seats around the table in the kitchen and Folio absentmindedly shuffles the deck of cards.
My vision feels fuzzy as I pour myself a glass of water trying to focus on my breathing but not wanting to make a scene.
"Hey Mar, are you wanting to play?" Sadie calls over and I turn around seeing them all eagerly looking at me.
"No, it's okay. You guys go ahead. I'm gonna take a nap before we head out to dinner." I reply and Noah's gaze is on me instantly as he begins to lift himself out of the chair heading towards me before I can protest.
"You okay?" He asks, his voice low not wanting the others to overhear.
"Mhmm." I hum looking up to him. He sees right through it. He sees the biting under the surface but doesn't push knowing it's something I need to untangle on my own first. "Just tired."
"Okay baby." He whispers pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. "Go nap, I'll wake you before we need to head out."
I nod peeling myself away, picking up the glass of water and slip out the kitchen before anyone can read into it too much.
I reach the bedroom closing the door behind me muffling the laughter and playful teasing and let out a sigh lowering myself onto the bed.
I just sit, feeling my own breathing.
In and out.
Repeat.
It's so small, so automatic but it helps me feel like I still have control of something when everything else seems to be slipping too easily through my fingers.
I place the glass on the bedside table and try to settle myself into the mattress wrapping the duvet around me like a cocoon. My body feels impossibly heavy like the weight the day was finally catching up with me. I close my eyes, rolling onto my side, cradling my bump hearing the distant clatter and laughter coming from the kitchen.
I squeeze my eyes tighter, pulling the duvet up higher burying my face into it, lightly drumming my fingertips against my bump. Slowly my mind begins to settle, my body unwinding and I finally allow sleep to wash over me.
*
"Mar..." Noah's voice is low and soft as he gently closes the door behind him.
"Mmm." I grumble and he takes a seat next to me gently brushing the stray strands of hair off of my face.
"Everyone's starting to get ready to go out baby girl." He smiles and I nod burying my face back into the duvet.
Noah sits down next to me, the mattress shifting under his weight and I let out a small huff as his fingers gently pry away the covers from my face.
"I know baby... how are you feeling? Talk to me Mar."
"I just... look I love you and I'm so proud of you. I want to support you and the guys because you all fucking deserve it. More than anyone, you're so fucking deserving of that but the interview during a time when I need you, we need you..." my voice cracks and Noah wipes away tears that I didn't even realise.
"Oh baby don't be upset, it's not good for the hematoma." He whispers and I swear as soon as the words leave his lips he realises what he's said.
He freezes his eyes searching for mine, searching for the right words to say.
"Mar, I didn't even think I just-"
"I know." I furiously wipe away tears. "I know and it makes me feel so fucking selfish but right now I need you."
"Oh baby, I know." Noah holds me tightly it's like he's scared to let go incase I slip too far this time. "I get it I really do and it's hard for the guys to understand that because they don't experience this."
"I just don't want to hold you back because I'm fragile. It's not fair but the further on I get the more I need you and it's terrifying the way I feel so reliant on you. The lack of independence I feel." I confess seeing his expression soften.
"Mar, you're not holding me back and you're not fragile. You're carrying our baby, you've dealt with morning sickness, my disgusting schedule as well as your own and now a hematoma. You're one of the strongest people I know Margo, hell, you are the strongest person I know." He whispers pressing a kiss to the side of my head.
"Do you have to do it?" I whisper knowing deep down what the answer is.
"I don't know." He mumbles back his voice dripping with disappointment.
"I get it." I tell him honestly, because I do. I know that they need it. They want it and they deserve it.
"I'm sorry Margo."
"I know."
*
The tables rowdy and full of happy faces but I know that two of them are painted on.
Mine and Noah's.
"Happy birthday to the Margo Elizabeth Brown." Jolly smiles raising his glass to a toast. "To the girl who survived a day canoeing with this loud ass group. The one who keeps Noah from disappearing too deep into his own thoughts, and who somehow walked into our little chaotic boisterous group and made it better." He continues getting a smile from everyone, real smiles. "So here's to this birthday Mar and many, many more."
"To Margo!" Nick and Noah join in unison their glasses lifting with the rest of the tables.
Noah's hand lightly squeezes my thigh under the table as glasses clink together as Sadie gives me a sly wink from across the table.
"You okay?" She mouths and I nod in reply my smile not reaching my eyes taking a sip from the glass.
"Can we just take a minute to talk about Folio fucking capsizing the canoe not once but twice today?" Sadie says changing the subject knowing not to push any further.
"It was all for the plot." Folio grins back at Sadie his smile wide.
"No it wasn't. It took me four attempts to wash the lake outta my hair and I swear I still smell kinda swampy." Sadie grumbles.
"You always smell kinda swampy." Folio quips back then realising what he's said as the table erupts with laughter. "I mean that as a compliment?"
"You're so fucking annoying bro." Sadie rolls her eyes with a smirk.
"But like in a good way?" Folio laughs shakily.
"There's no annoying in a good way." Sadie laughs taking a sip from her drink.
I feel myself falling away from the table chatter the laughter growing louder, voices rising but I feel too distant, like I'm watching from fogged up glass.
"Mar, you're fading baby." Noah whispers his fingers tracing lazy circles on my thigh.
"Hmm? I'm fine." I blink forcing a smile.
"No you're not here. Look at me." He pleads and I turn to him the smile firmly painted on my face.
"I'm here." I lie and we both fucking know it.
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Hey yall! This one's a super short one for me but I'm setting the tone for what's about to unfold.
I appreciate you all and hope you're enjoying so far!
Love yall!
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Just Pretend
FanfictionMargo Brown, twenty five year old writer is desperate to pave her own path and to get out of her small town. A month before she is due to put down new roots in a new city her best friend Cassidy invites her along to a concert playing it off as Marg...
