Where We Belong

Chapter 48: Tornado of Emotions

          A couple of days in the hospital has exhausted Kendall, that more than losing the baby alone. Kendall finally gets to go home, thankful for both her mom and Chris's as they have been to both places, cleaning both. Kendall finally gets to shower and cleans up a bit but still not talking much to anyone but Chris—definitely not acting like her usual self. Chris has been out most of the morning, prepping for Kendall's return home. Once back to the hospital he takes the elevator back to her room, she should be ready to go.

           "Hey," Kendall smiles, seeing Chris walk through the door.

           "Hi," leaning down to kiss her. "You ready to go home?" Chris asks picking up her bags and helping Kendall to the wheelchair.

           "Yes I'm so ready," she says softly. She transitions from the bed to the wheelchair with the help of Chris.

           He gets her in the wheelchair and wheels her out, getting to the truck. Placing her stuff in the backseat before walking back over to Kendall, he reaches down and picks her up and lifts her in the truck. He reaches over, buckling her seatbelt for her.

           "I can buckle my seatbelt," Kendall says annoyed, letting him do it anyways.

           "Just trying to help Kendall," Chris says calmly before shutting the door and walking around to the driver's side, getting in.

          "So where are we going back to?"

           "I was thinking mine," putting the truck in drive.

           "Seriously?" Kendall looking back at Chris. "The place that everything just happened and has all of Linley's stuff at? Why because you want to put that fact that we lost a baby in our face," shaking her head. "Fine, whatever let's go."

          "Why are you biting my head off? No, I said that because we are mainly at my house anyways."

           "I'm not biting your head off...fine you're right let's just leave," Kendall says—an edge to her voice.

          Chris sighs as he begins to drive, heading for Kendall's place turning the radio on.

          "No, let's just go to your place your right. We do spend most of, actually all of our time there," Kendall sighs.

           Not taking it anymore as he pulls his truck over to the side of the road, "Where do you wanna go Kendall?"

        "Don't get mad at me over this. I said let's go to your place Chris."

          Chris shakes his head, turning the radio up once again as his tires fling dirt, getting back on the road. He drives the opposite way back towards his home—listening to the radio. Kendall clenches her jaw, trying to hold back the words behind her teeth. They pull into the driveway a few minutes later. Not even coming to a complete stop, Kendall already unbuckling her seatbelt, hand on the handle.

          "Are you that anxious to get away from me? I'll help you, Kendall," Chris sighs as he comes to a complete stop—turning the car off.

          "No, I just don't want you to be mad at me. I'm already mad enough at myself," leaning back against the seat, looking at the house.

           "Why are you mad at yourself? It's not your fault," Chris tries to reassure and slides his hand on her thigh.

           Trying to move her thigh away and then realizing what she's doing, "oh then whose fault is it Chris? Maybe it was supposed to happen...we didn't want her at first, and that's why we lost her."

           "Where is all this coming from?"

          "Really Chris? You haven't been sitting in the hospital the last couple of days thinking why? Because I sure have."

          Chris just looks at her then getting out of his truck and walking to Kendall's side. He opens her door, standing there so he can help her out.

           "Really you're not going to answer that?" Kendall shakes her head. "Fine Chris," taking his hand and getting out of the truck.

           "Where do you want to go?" Chris asks, wrapping his arm around Kendall's waist and walking into the house.

           "I guess the living room. I don't know," Kendall says, frustrated that she's not strong enough to not need Chris's help.

          "Do you need anything?"

           "No, I'll be okay, thanks," looking up at Chris. "What are you going to do?"

            "I'm gonna do some laundry," Chris says leaning down and kissing her.

          Kendall nods and curls into a ball on the couch as Chris grabs her bag to do her laundry and his. Pulling the blanket off the back of the sofa and pulling it over her head, she tries to block out everything. After a few minutes, she hears Chris come back downstairs, sniffling coming from him.

           She pulls the blanket off her head and looks up as Chris passes through. Smiling a bit sadly she reaches her hand out to Chris, "Come here, come lay with me," Trying to be nice. "It's going to be hard being here babe, but we will adjust."

          Chris wipes his eyes and walks to the couch and sitting down. Wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek, she then pulls her arms away and wrapping them around his arm and laying her head on his chest.

          "I'm sorry for being so mean earlier," Kendall apologizes.

          "It's okay. You've been through a traumatic thing, it's okay."

           "We both have, and I should have taken that into consideration," hugging his arm more.

           "We'll be okay."

            "No I know eventually we will be it just seems like it will be forever."

           "Let's go take a nap," Chris suggests.

            Kendall nods as they get up and slowly make their way up the stairs. They get to the top of the stairs and walk towards the bedroom. But, as they pass the baby's room, Kendall stops them, "I just want to look at it for a second."

           "Kendall you don't need to beat yourself up anymore," Chris sighs.

           "I need to Chris stop," Kendall says trying to pull her hand away. She opens the door, but not stepping in the room. Standing in the doorway for a minute or two but feeling like forever. She looks at every piece of the room that was almost done and then she reaches back for Chris's hand before collapsing against the door—sliding to the floor crying.

           Reacting right on the spot, Chris reaches over and catching Kendall. He sits down beside her, wrapping his arms around Kendall and pulling her into him. He kisses her forehead.

           "Sssh," Chris sighs.

            Kendall cries hard, not knowing where all her emotions are coming from—barely having the energy to cry as she collapses against Chris. "I'm sorry," Kendall keeps repeating, her face pressed against his chest.

            Chris closes his eyes and swallows hard as he stands up and picks her up, carrying her to the bedroom—crying against his chest. Carefully laying Kendall on the bed and covering them up and holding onto her, waiting for her to fall asleep.

            "I've just never felt so numb before. I feel like I'm just broken, and I'll never be able to feel or love anything again," Kendall says softly, rubbing her eyes. Kendall cries herself to sleep.