Breathless (Book 1&2)

Breathless #45

Chapter 45
Noreen

"Tulala ka nanaman!" sita sa akin ni Ron, doon ko naibalik ang atensyon ko sa ginagawa. The shop has been expanded kaya mas marami na rin ang na-a-accommodate nito. Lately, lalo pa itong sumikat sa mga estudyante kaya naman dinarayo na rin ito ng taga ibang university.

"A-Ah?" sagot ko kay Ron and tried to smile. "W-Wala, natutuwa lang ako, you've been working hard Ron, see okay ang business natin." Pag da-divert ko ng usapan. Nakita ko ang pagtingin niya sa akin pero hindi ko na lang pinansin, alam kong nakakaramdam siya pero mas mabuti ng wag muna naming pag-usapan ngayon. Isa pa, hindi ko rin naman alam kung anong gagawin ko.

"So, nagka-usap na kayo ni Cloud?" seryoso niyang tanong matapos mag-serve ng mga orders.

"Y-Yep." Maikli kong sagot.

"Hindi na ba talaga siya makaka-attend?" tanong niya ulit.

"He'll try." Sagot ko saka umiwas ng tingin. "I k-know he'll try."

"Noreen, narinig ko yung tungkol sa com-" tinignan ko siya at biglang ngumiti ng malapad. He was shocked at my expression, ganun din naman ako. Hindi ko alam kung kaya kong pag-usapan ang tungkol doon ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung paano ba ako dapat mag react. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat kong gawin o kung ano ba dapat ang maramdaman ko ngayon.

I, I c-can't-

"It's okay." Mahina niyang sabi "I know you're strong, kaya mo yan Noreen." Aniya saka ako ti-nap sa may balikat. I don't know how to answer him kaya niyakap ko na lang siya ng mahigpit "K-Kaya mo yan...Kaya mo yan..." paulit ulit niyang bulong.

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Sa bahay ako dumiretso ngayon. Nadatnan ko si Mommy doon, she was about to leave the house para pumasok sa office ng tumigil siya at nilapitan ako "I'm happy to see you here." Aniya, hindi ko siya sinagot.

"I don't know if I should be happy to see you here." Pagsasabi ko ng totoo, she didn't answer back. "You're going to work? Hindi ba dapat nasa hospital ka at inaalagaan si Daddy?"

"There are so many things that I should settle first in the company." Sagot niya sa akin saka yumuko. "You can go to your Dad and attend to whatever he needs if it not troubles you."

"They called me." Sagot ko sa kanya. "So the other relatives are trying to buy what's left to us. The villas and some other assets. But the thing is, they're not trying to help, they're just trying to seize the opportunity to buy everything at its lowest price." Mahina kong sabi. Hindi siya umimik.

"Are we going to let that happen? Hahayaan na lang ba nating w-walang matira?" tanong ko, hindi ko alam kung bakit ako ngumiti, dahil ba nakikita kong nagba-backfire lahat ng ginawang mali ni Dad at Mom or d-dahil, d-dahil personally, natatakot din ako, natatakot din ako na mawala sa amin ang lahat lahat and I was just trying to hide it all sa mga ngiti ko?

Am I really strong? Or Am I just pretending to be one?

"We need those money to bail out your Dad from the mess he caused." Seryoso niyang sagot, unlike the last time I saw, when she was crying, ngayon she's emotionless but still looking tired. Hindi ko alam kung wala na bang nararamdaman si Mommy, hindi ko alam kung sinisisi niya lahat kay Daddy, hindi ko alam if she just stopped caring or she was just pretending to be strong at tinatago lang din lahat ng sakit.

"I believed that you do understand our situation right now." She looked away, she may speak like it's nothing to her but when I happened to look at her eyes, all I can see is pain. "Jesus, I've never expected that we'll reach the bottom like this. We tried to hide to you everything, I convinced your Dad that it was your right to live a peaceful life and we, as your parents are the ones responsible to fix everything. But we both failed."

"Are you mad at him?" I asked her, she didn't answer immediately.

"He caused it." Sagot niya "He messed up and now I am the one left to fix it. Life is so unfair."

"M-Mom." Tawag ko sa kanya, doon siya napatingin sa akin "I-I'm sorry.." Hindi ko alam kung bakit yun ang mga salitang lumabas sa bibig ko. Nabitawan niya ang bag na hawak niya, she ran to me at mahigpit akong niyakap. "I'm s-sorry..." ulit ko.

"I k-know I've never been a good d-daughter. I always say that I hated you so much and I always show that I don't care. B-But I was lying." Bulong ko at doon na kumuwala ang mga luha na matagal ko na ring pinigilan. "I w-was lying the whole time. I d-did hate you but it was long gone. M-Mom, I'm sorry."

"I know nagkulang kami ng oras sa iyo ng Daddy mo but despite that, lumaking kang may puso and I am very proud of you." Mom cupped my face, she was crying too, just like me. Matagal kong tinitigan ang mukha niya. Matagal kong pinagmasdan ang mga mata niya. It was just like me. Y-Yes, I am just like Mom, takot, pagod and pretending to be strong all this time.

"Nung bata ka pa, you always ask me kung anong oras kami makakauwi ng Daddy mo. You always ask kung kailan tayo makakalabas na magkakasama at kung kailan namin tutuparin ang mga pangako namin sa iyo and time eventually came na napagod ka na siguro that's why you didn't bother us anymore. Akala ko okay lang, akala ko you just grew maturely kaya you start to understand things,"

"But one day, you started to question us, y-you left us. I know we've been so strict, naalala ko noon sinabi mo pa, bakit pakiramdam mo sakal na sakal ka sa amin kahit na wala kami dito at hindi mo madalas makasama. I wanted to say sorry, I wanted to say na mahal na mahal ka lang namin that's why we treasure you a lot. I wanted to run after you when you left us that night but your Dad stopped me. Sabi niya, when you learned from your own mistake, that is the only time that you will be really strong,"

"Naniwala ako sa kanya, akala ko tama siya matapos kang bumalik sa amin. That night, t-that night when I saw how horrified you're matapos ang ginawa ng lalaking iyon sa iyo, I wanted to hurt myself for not being able to stop you in the first place. K-Kung pinigilan sana kita, k-kung hindi sana ako nakinig sa Daddy mo, y-you'll not able to feel those pain,"

"Sinisi ko ang sarili ko, n-nahihiya ako sa iyo because I, I f-feel that I f-failed for being a mother to you. Bumalik ka nga sa amin pero matapos iyon pakiramdam ko, t-tuluyan ka nang nawala. Bumalik ka nga p-pero lalo ka namang lalong lumayo."

Those words, t-those words, ngayon ko lang narinig lahat galing sa kanya and I never imagined that I will hear those words from her.

"M-Mom."

"I love you and I am really proud of you Noreen!" she claimed and held both of my hands saka niya hinaplos ang pisngi ko. "I've always wanted to say that. I've always wanted to spend time with you. I've always wanted to talk to you, about your first crush, your first love, your first kiss. Everything, just like what a mother and a daughter should do. Marami pagkakataon at oras akong sinayang para maging mabuting ina sa iyo,"

"M-Mom..."

"Please, please don't leave me alone again." Pakiusap niya. "I need you Noreen, ikaw na lang ang natitira sa akin. I need you to survive this. P-Please help me."

Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit "I am h-home." Bulong ko saka pumikit "I am home and I will do anything to protect what's mine. You have me Mom, you have me."

Author's Note:
I know it's holiday season but these upcoming updates feel kind of heavy. Forgive me.